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Tag: Ryan Seacrest

  • American Idol Season 10 – Who Makes The Final 11?

    I understand the Black Eyed Peas perform tonight. Sigh. That just means I’m going to see the Fergie-monster in my nightmares when I go to sleep. And David Cook, I mean Kris Allen, I mean Lee DeWyze is also going to perform tonight.

    Last night, I thought Miss Haley and Miss Naima performed pretty badly. I think Miss Karen could also be on the cutting block, but J. Lo loves her too much for people to see how pedestrian she’s been so far.

    I think the Idol contestants are performing a Born This Way and Born To Be Wild mash-up. All the members of Steppenwolf decided to put on t-shirts made out of meat to show their disproval.

    Ryno calls Jacob, Lauren, and Casey to the stage. It’d be hard to imagine either of the three being in any real danger. Ryno tells Jacob he’s safe and he has to pretend that he was worried. Ryno tells Lauren that she’s safe too. Ryno tells Casey he is also safe. He thought he was a goner. I think he fell for the banana in the tailpipe. Come on Casey! You know you weren’t going anywhere son!

    Ryno calls up Haley and Paul. Haley already has the boo-boo face going. She knew what was coming. She and her red lipstick are in the bottom three, while Paul is safe. [sarcasm]Yay! More drunken dancing![/sarcasm]

    That ever original artist who sounded nothing like the two previous American Idol winners before him, Lee DeWyze is singing his new song Beautiful Like You. Blake Lewis just gave Lee a thumbs down and said at least he was a creative cookie-cutter white guy.

    Ryno asks Lee to give the Idol contestants advice and Lee starts with, “I mean …” No really Lee, it’s not like we didn’t understand you and you had to reiterate considering you didn’t say anything before saying, “I mean.” Crystal Bowersox lost to this dude?

    Ryno brings Scotty, Pia, and James to the stage. If either of these are in the bottom three, we riot. Ryno tells Scotty that he’s safe. He says that Pia is also safe. He finally tells Big Game James that he’s safe too.

    That leaves us with Stefano, Naima, Thia, and Karen.

    He brings up Stefano and Naima to the stage. One is safe and one is in the bottom three. Stefano, the new Elliott Yamin is safe, and Naima is in the bottom three. He then brings up Karen and Thia. Karen is in the bottom three. Maybe the audience is finally seeing through Karen’s very so-so performances.

    The Black Eyed Peas are on stage. Fergie has a dreamboat body, but a shipwreck face. They’re performing Just Can’t Get Enough. Fergie has either had bulldog cheek implants, or she had a bad day. Fergie’s one of those girls who looks good from afar. Oh yah, the song is pretty wack. Dirty bit.

    We’re back to the bottom three. Your girl Naima is safe. So it’s down to Haley’s lipstick and Karen. Whoa, Karen is the goner! Ryno’s trying to tell Karen that the judges may bring her back. We know that’s not happening. She could sing La Bamba with the ghost of Richie Valens behind her and they’re not bringing her back. She could’ve asked a very pregnant Mariah Carey waddle out on stage and sing Hero with her and they weren’t going to save her.

    Randall says they’re not going to use the save on Karen, but it wasn’t unanimous. I think we know who tried to keep her. Here’s a hint: her name is Jennifer Lopez.

    Seacrest out!

    Photo of Fergie by Wikipedia and licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.5 Generic license

  • The New American Idol Judges Are …

    The new American Idol judges are … exactly who we heard they would be.

    Ryan Seacrest confirmed it on his Twitter account earlier today.

    It’s official: your new #IdolJudges panel is @yo_randyjackson, @JLo & Steven Tyler! RT!

    To me, Jennifer Lopez isn’t a surprise at all. Though not a very talented singer, she’s done more with her talent than almost anyone in the world of Hollywood and music. Did you see any other In Living Color dancers become the biggest female star in Hollywood and top the pop music charts? And, let’s not forget this; this show is in HD and Lopez still looks fantastic.

    The surprise is Steven Tyler. For one, he’s not necessarily someone who I can completely understand when he speaks. His signature wail works on records, but doesn’t necessarily work on a show when it’s his job to critique singers to an audience of some 20 million viewers. Also, he’s almost too professional for these amateur singers. It’s the same reason Michael Jordan would never be a good coach. He’d expect too much out of players who can never be nearly as good as he is. I think it’s the same deal with Tyler. Unless he has the ability to see things that Simon Cowell could see, I really wonder how long Tyler lasts.

    The last thing is that this show is still missing a Simon type of character who is the last word. It really didn’t matter what Randy, Paula, or Kara ever said. Simon had the last word and his word was the word that mattered. Who is going to be that judge this year? That’s where they are empty.

  • American Idol Season 9 – And The Winner Is…

    Paula Abdul
    It’s time to see who is the season 9 winner of American Idol. However, it will take us over two hours to get here. Fox usually packs the finale show with performances, goofy skits, and video packages. Tonight, I have heard they’ll also give Simon Cowell a mighty send off. I just hope that they bring back Paula Abdul to help send him off.

    Tonight, let’s do the recap diary style.

    8:02 – It’s been 24 hours since last night’s performances and Lee still looks nervous.

    8:03 – Ryno Seacrest introduces the judges and Randall Jackson is wearing a suit that would make a pimp blush.

    8:06 – Alice Cooper performs School’s Out For Summer with the Top 12, and Siobhan (aka creepy little girl) stole his creepy thunder with her creepiness.

    (By the way Idol, way to understand your demographics with that one. Who’s next tonight, Ozzy Osbourne?)

    8:13 – Kris Allen is singing some new song and I’m still giving anyone 2-1 odds who doesn’t think he’s getting divorced soon. He has that look in his eyes that says he’s on the hunt for new meat.

    8:16 – We get our first Simon Cowell video package, which is a complete waste of time. But at least I got to see Paula.

    8:18 – Creepy little girl and Aaron Kelly are singing How Deep Is Your Love. She looks like she wants to eat him.

    8:19 – The beautiful Bee Gees came out to join them. Barry had to sing his lines to creepy girl, while poor Robin had to sing his to Aaron. That was awkward.

    8:26 – Big Mike Lynche and Michael McDonald are dueting Taking It To The Streets. If Taylor Hicks comes out right now doing his jig, I will smile largely.

    (By the way, Alice Cooper, the brothers Gibb, and Michael McDonald have been the celebrity performers so far, and McDonald is the youngest at a ripe age of 58. American Idol, on the cutting edge!)

    8:31 – Let’s take a moment of silence for Dane Cook’s career. Bow, there it is.

    8:34 – The top 6 girls came out to perform Christina Aguilera’s Beautiful. Lacy Brown led the way and all of America tried to remember if she was on the show or not.

    8:37 – Christina herself came out to sing and she’s still number one on my list of those who I’d request to sing me lullabies before I sleep. Rosie O’Donnell is last on that list by the way.

    (The roaming camera reached around to Christina’s backside, and I have to say that for a skinny girl, she’s got some junk in the trunk.)

    8:47 – The top 6 boys are singing Hall & Oates tunes, which leads me to think…

    8:49 – …that of course, Hall & Oates are coming out. I wonder if they’ll get Scott Savol to get on stage and sing She’s Gone? You think Scott’s persona non grata with Idol? All he did was beat his girlfriend. Come on people, where’s your forgiveness!

    (By the way, I might be the only Idol blog to mention Scott Savol’s name. I’ll do you one better. How about Corey Clark?

    8:51 – Darryl Hall looks like he hasn’t bathed in the year 2010.

    8:52 – Janelle Wheeler who was my favorite Idol contestant to look at, and who also dated Tim Tebow is hanging out with Crystal’s fans in Toledo, Ohio. But she’s not wearing those terrific pants that I love.

    This Girl Can Wear Some Pants

    8:53 – Crystal is out singing Ironic. Wait, does that mean Alanis Morrisette is coming out?

    8:54 – Of course it does! I think she’s making fun of Joey from Full House or something.

    9:01 – Carrie Underwood is performing. Do you remember what I said about Christina Aguilera being such a skinny girl and having junk in the trunk? Well, as far as having junk in the trunk, it’s the same for Carrie, only the opposite. She has one of the more famous cases of noassatall.

    9:08 – Casey James is out singing and Bret Michaels comes out. Wait, isn’t Bret Michaels sick? I have a feeling those guys are going carousing tonight.

    9:18 – Lee DeWyze and Chicago perform, and right after, Ryan throws it to Matt Rogers, the former football player who was on Idol many years ago. Rogers looks about 45 years old with a receding hair line. I don’t want to remember my Idols this way. Go away Matt, just go away.

    9:21 – General Larry Platt and a bunch of extras from the movie Step Up performed Pants On The Ground. Then William Hung joined the fray and let’s just say that he doesn’t speak English any better than you remember. I would be lying if I didn’t say that I enjoyed this better than Lee DeWyze and Chicago.

    9:29 – Yay! It’s Paula Abdul on stage!

    9:34 – Boo! Paula’s gone.

    9:35 – Kelly Clarkson, Ruben Studdard, and Fantasia Barrino all came out to sing with Simon. Ten bucks says that Taylor Hicks didn’t get invited.

    9:36 – Damnit! I owe you ten bucks.

    9:37 – Holy jeez! All the terrible ghosts of American Idol contestants past came out to sing for Simon. Mikalah Gordon done growed up. Constantine just winked at me!

    9:38 – Mysteriously absent was David Cook. And for that matter, Jennifer Hudson. Wait, she hates Simon.

    9:44 – The top 12 is out singing Janet Jackson’s Again. Wait, does that mean…

    9:45 – Of course it does! Miss Janet Jackson is on stage sans her weave. Her hair is amazingly short.

    9:49 – And the junk in the trunk award goes to, Janet Jackson. Holy cow. She’s now performing Nasty. And you know who choreographed that video.

    9:52 – I think Randall Jackson is in love.

    9:54 – Please answer this for me once and for all. Is the gap in Crystal’s teeth near the side of her mouth charming or a hot mess?

    10:01 – Ryno’s going to tease us about the results for about five minutes here.

    10:02 – Ok, I lied. He’s getting right to it. And Lee is terrified.

    10:03 – And the winner is… (aw man) Lee DeWyze!

    10:04 – Crystal isn’t a sore loser at all, but you have to think that she knows she was robbed heartily.

    10:05 – I just realized that Lee’s average cover of Beautiful Day is going to top the iTunes charts next week.

    10:06 – I also just realized that this show may be entirely different next year. Good night everyone.

    Paula Abdul photo shared via Wikipedia through the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported license