MTV

Tonight marks the 25th anniversary of the MTV Video Music Awards. If you’re like the majority of people, this event doesn’t excite you. The show has taken such a dive in quality over the past decade or so that I actually skipped last year’s ceremony-and I’m a music awards show junkie. I almost skipped tonight’s show as well, but since my plans for the evening fell through, I’m hanging out here with you, live, as the magic, the drama, and/or the disaster unfolds.

*I have already noticed one good thing-this year’s show is only two hours long (I wrote two years originally…Freudian slip?). It’s the perfect amount of time for me to get annoyed without feeling like I want to kick a hole in the TV.

*I’ve actually already noticed another thing: this Russell Brand or Bland or whatever his name is? Douchebag.

*I’ve only caught about 15 minutes of the pre-show. The hosts are a bunch of no-name guys, the pretty blank space country singer Taylor Swift, some obnoxious Brit (this seems like a running gag tonight), Sway’s sellout ass and John Norris, who is older than all the other co-hosts combined.

*Britney is opening tonight. You’ve gotta figure anything would be better than that performance of “Gimme More”, right?

*Sorry. I want to marry Jonah Hill. There, I said it. If Jonah Hill has a gay twin brother, please call or email me.

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