As I wrote last night, America must’ve been smokin’ that stuff last week when Jessica Sanchez was nearly eliminated before Jenny Lo and company decided to save her. But there is no save this time. Will America be smokin’ that stuff again?
Here’s my top and bottom 2 from last night:
Top 2
1. Skylar
2. Joshua (edges out Phillip by a some chest hair)
Bottom 2
1. Elise
2. Hollie
I fear that my droopy faced girl Elise is going to be eliminated tonight.
Here’s what I wrote on my Facebook page tonight in Elise’s honor:
Remember her when she was on fire!
The top 7 sing Dancing In The Street. I’m not sure I’ve seen skinnier jeans than the ones Colton is wearing. If he was dancing in the street in those, he’d get got. They’d have to cut the muskrat off his head too.
Ryno brings Joshua and Hollie to the center. Joshua is rightfully through to next week. Hollie is in the bottom three.
There’s been a Taylor Hicks sighting! He looks no older than 65 years old. He introduces Kris Allen, a most definite mistake-winner. Adam Lambert has more talent in his wig than Allen has. And Lambert doesn’t even wear a wig.
Allen is doing a pretty darn good Enrique Iglesias impersonation with this song.
Skylar and Elise are next to center stage. Elise might as well just walk to hang out with Hollie now. She basically said that she thinks she gets the harder critiques because the judges know she’s older and thinks she can take it. How about because you didn’t sing well last night? I know, I know. Elise is my girl. And yes, she’s in the bottom three.
At this point, I fear for Jessica Sanchez’s life because of last week. If the world was fair, Colton and his skinny jeans would be in the bottom three. He was third worst last night.
LMFAO is on stage for whatever reason. Barry Gordy must be proud.
Colton, Phillip, and Jessica are in the center. Jessica is safe! Phillip is safe! The muskrat is in the bottom three. Colton is probably going back to safeland soon. Nope, Elise is safe! My droopy dog. I don’t have to pour out some liquor for her tonight.
Holy cow! Colton has been eliminated. Hollie is the Teflon Don this year. Wow. I shouldn’t be surprised as I thought Colton was one of the worst three last night, but I just figured the teenie boppers would save him.
In what might be further proof of the faltering of the American Idol franchise, Billboard.com reported in a brief post yesterday that the American Idol summer tour, which features Season 9’s top 10 contestants including this year’s winner Lee DeWyze and shoulda-been winner Crystal Bowersox, will be coming to an early close at the end of August. But while I certainly sympathize with the show’s performers, I have to think this is a good thing – for the performers as well as their audiences. Although by its very definition, the American Idol concert tour should feel current, it has always struck me as a weirdly anachronistic concept, an ugly ghost of the recording industry’s past haunting the summer tour schedules each year. Like the travelling road shows of the 50s and 60s (famously sent up via the “Play-Tone Galaxy of Stars” tour in Tom Hanks’ wonderful 1996 movie That Thing You Do!), it always seemed more about advancing the Idol brand then promoting any of the individual artists.
Especially as the franchise has maneuvered away from the by-the-numbers big-vocals pop performance template it began with, gradually culminating in this last, much-unloved season’s full-on embrace of “artist” values – varied and often idiosyncratic vocal styles, varied and often idiosyncratic stage personae, singers as both songwriters and (multi-)instrumentalists – the American Idol summer tour has begun to seem out of touch with its own brand. Moreover, as the show has started to find more and more artists who’ve already had their foot in (and slammed by) the music industry’s door, there’s an even greater disparity among its finalists’ in terms of level of experience and/or naivete. Even despite the relative compatibilities of their styles (compared to previous seasons’ first and second finishers), why, but for their common appearance on a hit TV show, should someone like Crystal Bowersox ever have to share a bill with a singer like Lee DeWyze? Or vice versa? (I don’t mean that as a diss to either.) In the real world, there’s no way David Cook would ever co-headline a tour with David Archuleta. I mean, c’mon. The sheer diversity of the show’s contestants has turned what used to be a pretty straightforward pop showcase into an increasingly hodge-podgy (in terms of both stage prowess and style) travelling version of a talent show for which the winner has already been declared, thereby limiting and cheapening what each of the performers can do, reducing their act to a least-common-denominator-ready instant replay of the season’s greatest hits and misses.
That said, a far more palatable (and possibly far more profitable) alternative to the annual Idol tour is already presenting itself. This summer, last year’s runner up Adam Lambert is currently on tour with fellow Season 8 finalist Allison Iraheta. Not only does it offer Lambert, clearly the more seasoned and exciting performer, the showcase he clearly deserves while giving Iraheta a platform (and a sympathetic audience – surely more of Iraheta’s AI constituents gravitated toward Lambert than Season 8 winner Kris Allen in the final tallies) on which to grow as both an artist and a live performer. Maybe the venues they’re playing are smaller than the Idol tours, but I imagine that after spending nearly half a year watching these singers from the comforts of their living rooms, audiences would both crave and appreciate the intimacy that smaller venues might afford. Seriously, how many people really come to see all 10 artists?
So. Note to American Idol producers. Ditch the “Top 10” road show. Instead of one big tour, why not criss-cross the country with three or four smaller tours with two or three artists on each bill. For every Adam, an Allison; for every Kris Allen, a Danny Gokey. It will better serve the artist. It could very well better serve the brand as well. The Idol tour might only hit any given concert market once or twice in the summer. With multiple tours, they could hit the same market half a dozen times. And there really may be folks who want to see all 10 artists bad enough to buy tickets every time one of the many AI tours comes to town. Just sayin’.
Paula AbdulIt’s time to see who is the season 9 winner of American Idol. However, it will take us over two hours to get here. Fox usually packs the finale show with performances, goofy skits, and video packages. Tonight, I have heard they’ll also give Simon Cowell a mighty send off. I just hope that they bring back Paula Abdul to help send him off.
Tonight, let’s do the recap diary style.
8:02 – It’s been 24 hours since last night’s performances and Lee still looks nervous.
8:03 – Ryno Seacrest introduces the judges and Randall Jackson is wearing a suit that would make a pimp blush.
8:06 – Alice Cooper performs School’s Out For Summer with the Top 12, and Siobhan (aka creepy little girl) stole his creepy thunder with her creepiness.
(By the way Idol, way to understand your demographics with that one. Who’s next tonight, Ozzy Osbourne?)
8:13 – Kris Allen is singing some new song and I’m still giving anyone 2-1 odds who doesn’t think he’s getting divorced soon. He has that look in his eyes that says he’s on the hunt for new meat.
8:16 – We get our first Simon Cowell video package, which is a complete waste of time. But at least I got to see Paula.
8:18 – Creepy little girl and Aaron Kelly are singing How Deep Is Your Love. She looks like she wants to eat him.
8:19 – The beautiful Bee Gees came out to join them. Barry had to sing his lines to creepy girl, while poor Robin had to sing his to Aaron. That was awkward.
8:26 – Big Mike Lynche and Michael McDonald are dueting Taking It To The Streets. If Taylor Hicks comes out right now doing his jig, I will smile largely.
(By the way, Alice Cooper, the brothers Gibb, and Michael McDonald have been the celebrity performers so far, and McDonald is the youngest at a ripe age of 58. American Idol, on the cutting edge!)
8:31 – Let’s take a moment of silence for Dane Cook’s career. Bow, there it is.
8:34 – The top 6 girls came out to perform Christina Aguilera’s Beautiful. Lacy Brown led the way and all of America tried to remember if she was on the show or not.
8:37 – Christina herself came out to sing and she’s still number one on my list of those who I’d request to sing me lullabies before I sleep. Rosie O’Donnell is last on that list by the way.
(The roaming camera reached around to Christina’s backside, and I have to say that for a skinny girl, she’s got some junk in the trunk.)
8:47 – The top 6 boys are singing Hall & Oates tunes, which leads me to think…
8:49 – …that of course, Hall & Oates are coming out. I wonder if they’ll get Scott Savol to get on stage and sing She’s Gone? You think Scott’s persona non grata with Idol? All he did was beat his girlfriend. Come on people, where’s your forgiveness!
(By the way, I might be the only Idol blog to mention Scott Savol’s name. I’ll do you one better. How about Corey Clark?
8:51 – Darryl Hall looks like he hasn’t bathed in the year 2010.
8:52 – Janelle Wheeler who was my favorite Idol contestant to look at, and who also dated Tim Tebow is hanging out with Crystal’s fans in Toledo, Ohio. But she’s not wearing those terrific pants that I love.
This Girl Can Wear Some Pants
8:53 – Crystal is out singing Ironic. Wait, does that mean Alanis Morrisette is coming out?
8:54 – Of course it does! I think she’s making fun of Joey from Full House or something.
9:01 – Carrie Underwood is performing. Do you remember what I said about Christina Aguilera being such a skinny girl and having junk in the trunk? Well, as far as having junk in the trunk, it’s the same for Carrie, only the opposite. She has one of the more famous cases of noassatall.
9:08 – Casey James is out singing and Bret Michaels comes out. Wait, isn’t Bret Michaels sick? I have a feeling those guys are going carousing tonight.
9:18 – Lee DeWyze and Chicago perform, and right after, Ryan throws it to Matt Rogers, the former football player who was on Idol many years ago. Rogers looks about 45 years old with a receding hair line. I don’t want to remember my Idols this way. Go away Matt, just go away.
9:21 – General Larry Platt and a bunch of extras from the movie Step Up performed Pants On The Ground. Then William Hung joined the fray and let’s just say that he doesn’t speak English any better than you remember. I would be lying if I didn’t say that I enjoyed this better than Lee DeWyze and Chicago.
9:29 – Yay! It’s Paula Abdul on stage!
9:34 – Boo! Paula’s gone.
9:35 – Kelly Clarkson, Ruben Studdard, and Fantasia Barrino all came out to sing with Simon. Ten bucks says that Taylor Hicks didn’t get invited.
9:36 – Damnit! I owe you ten bucks.
9:37 – Holy jeez! All the terrible ghosts of American Idol contestants past came out to sing for Simon. Mikalah Gordon done growed up. Constantine just winked at me!
9:38 – Mysteriously absent was David Cook. And for that matter, Jennifer Hudson. Wait, she hates Simon.
9:44 – The top 12 is out singing Janet Jackson’s Again. Wait, does that mean…
9:45 – Of course it does! Miss Janet Jackson is on stage sans her weave. Her hair is amazingly short.
9:49 – And the junk in the trunk award goes to, Janet Jackson. Holy cow. She’s now performing Nasty. And you know who choreographed that video.
9:52 – I think Randall Jackson is in love.
9:54 – Please answer this for me once and for all. Is the gap in Crystal’s teeth near the side of her mouth charming or a hot mess?
10:01 – Ryno’s going to tease us about the results for about five minutes here.
10:02 – Ok, I lied. He’s getting right to it. And Lee is terrified.
10:03 – And the winner is… (aw man) Lee DeWyze!
10:04 – Crystal isn’t a sore loser at all, but you have to think that she knows she was robbed heartily.
10:05 – I just realized that Lee’s average cover of Beautiful Day is going to top the iTunes charts next week.
10:06 – I also just realized that this show may be entirely different next year. Good night everyone.
Paula Abdul photo shared via Wikipedia through the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported license
