Last night was Elvis night and oh man, I thought it was a rough night. I think the judges were grading on a curve because we didn’t see eye to eye. They loved Tim. I think Tim is like the dumb guy in class who everyone claps for when he gets a B -, only because it’s not a F. They loved Lee. I thought Lee was lazy and sleepy eyed.

But what we did agree on is that Andrew Garcia is just lost and confused. Simon says the “cool” has been sucked out of him. His rendition of Hound Dog was one of the worst performances I’ve ever seen on American Idol and that says a lot considering how many bad performers there have been. I didn’t even say Constantine’s name and he still started shivering for a reason unbeknown to him.

I say that alongside Andrew, the elf-like Aaron also goes home. He’s slowly turning into Chicken Little.

I Have Hair Envy

I imagine Adam Lambert is going to perform tonight. Let’s hope he doesn’t dry hump anyone or kiss his guitar player. Also, I do hope to get my hair as high as him this weekend. I have hair envy.

What? Brooke White is also performing tonight? I hope Didi Benami joins her on stage for a possible pasty duet.

It’s elimination time. Remember, because Big Mike was saved last week, two people are going home tonight.

Ryno tells Casey, Aaron, and Andrew to meet him in the center of the stage. He got right to it. My Mexican brother Andrew is gone. Lee DeWeed just lost his brother from another mother. Aaron and Casey are safe.

They showed a teaser video for Idol Gives Back with Elliott Yamin and Kara DioGuardi, and of course, it was pretty heart wrenching.

Brooke White is singing with a Constantine! Oh no! Wait, that’s not Constantine. It’s a young man by the name of Justin Gaston. Brooke’s wearing shoes by the way. Brooke is so darn likable. I’m a fan.

Ryno brings Lee, creepy girl, Katie, Big Mike, Crystal, and Teflon Timothy to the middle of the stage. Crystal is safe and decides to play her harmonica on her way back to her seat. Creepy girl is safe and she walks creepily back to her seat. Lee is safe, though he looks like he has the stomach flu since he was so nervous.

Adam Lambert performs Whataya Want From Me and his hair is just as high as can be. The performance was pretty good too.

Big Mike, Teflon Timothy, and Katie Stevens are at center stage and one of these three are going home. Ryno tells Teflon Timothy that he’s safe, proving that America is once again deaf and dumb.

It’s down to Big Mike and Katie. Ryno says that one person goes home and the other person isn’t even in the bottom three. He just likes to mess with people.

The person going home is Katie Stevens. She went home about two weeks too early. Creepy girl is very sad and all I can think of is if I ever meet her, I don’t want to make her sad so she never has to make that face again. Big Mike whispered some words of wisdom into Katie’s ear before he left her to sing her blues away.

Carrie Underwood is singing them Home Sweet Home. Wait, that was the song from a couple of years ago. Maybe I just wish that was still the go home song instead of this lame Will Young song. Will Young can “leave right now”.

Next week’s theme is inspiration and the mentor looks like it’s supposed to be Alicia Keys. That could be good. Let’s hope Swizz Beatz stays home.