So, I’m an award show junkie. Well, specific to music awards shows, anyway. You won’t catch me watching the Oscars (at least not with both eyes open), but…the Grammys? American Music Awards? BET Awards? Soul Train Awards? I’m there! Which is why it hurts me to say that the majority of these ceremonies blow chunks now.

I didn’t actually watch last night’s MTV Video Music Awards…I was actually at Farm Aid’s inagural trip to NYC (yeah! Mellencamp!!), but anyone who stops by can pick and choose which parts of the show they’d like to see…pity that most of the show (at least the parts I decided to click on) weren’t worth seeing.

The performances were cut into little chunks (very few of them were complete), and the amount of awards given out has shrunk to damn near zero. There were no nutty acceptance speeches (someone call Fiona Apple or Macy Gray stat), and even the presentation of an award by 50 Cent and Kanye West together didn’t generate any sparks.

What we were left with was the last nail in the coffin of Britney Spears’ career (although, to be fair about it, her performance was no better or no worse than any previous VMA performance…say, has anyone EVER seen/heard Britney sing live on TV???), a performance of “Wake Up Call” that signaled that Adam Levine might be taking the jump soon from lead singer of Maroon 5 to former lead singer of Maroon 5, a WHOLE lot of Justin Timberlake, and Mary J. Blige making mincemeat of her teleprompter.

Oh, and Beyonce’s boobs nearly fell out of her dress. Awesome!!

Actually, the chopped up format by which you can view on MTV’s site is better than having to sit through it on TV because you can skip around to the good parts, which were few and far between: I’m not sure how I feel about Chris Brown, but damn it, the boy can dance. After Cee-Lo’s performance of “Darling Nikki” with the Foo Fighters, it’s my contention that he would do the best black rock album of all time. Ah, and have I mentioned Beyonce’s boobs?

Oh, and Justin implored the powers that be at MTV to play more videos. Wise call, considering the network only airs actual music during the graveyard shift.