These are for all the marbles, boys and girls. Grammy’s four major categories are the ones every artist dreams of winning. Even Best New Artist, which portends a solid future as an artist despite the legend of the Best New Artist “curse” (tell that to Christina Aguilera, Mariah Carey, Maroon 5 or John Legend). Here are the nominees in the four “big” categories.

Record of the Year: “Chasing Pavements” (Adele)/”Viva La Vida” (Coldplay)/”Bleeding Love” (Leona Lewis)/”Paper Planes” (M.I.A.)/”Please Read the Letter” (Robert Plant & Allison Krauss)

Will Win: Coldplay

Should Win: M.I.A.

Coldplay is almost certain to pull off an Amy Winehouse-like near-sweep this year, as “Viva La Vida” will win nearly every award it’s nominated for. The elderly voting bloc of Grammy voters could potentially pull out an upset for Plant & Krauss, and Clive Davis could get a win for his latest protege Leona Lewis, but I think this one goes to Chris Martin and co. Hey, did anyone realize this category is all Brits? What does that say about the status of American music? And how cool is it gonna be to see a very pregnant M.I.A. sashay across the stage to perform “Paper Planes”?

Album of the Year: “Viva La Vida or Death & All His Friends” (Coldplay)/”Tha Carter III” (Lil Wayne)/”Year of the Gentleman” (Ne-Yo)/”Raising Sand” (Robert Plant & Allison Krauss)/”In Rainbows” (Radiohead)

Will Win: Plant & Krauss

Should Win: Radiohead

Ne-Yo’s nomination itself was a shocker, so he doesn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of winning. Despite Weezy’s having the biggest-selling album of 2008, Grammy does not acknowledge hardcore rap in its’ main categories (remember “The Marshall Mathers LP” losing to Steely Dan back in ’01?), so that leaves Radiohead (whose win would be the biggest music-industry “fuck you” ever), Coldplay, and Plant & Krauss, who will most likely snatch this award up, given the Grammy folks’ penchant for a) honoring folks at the twilight of their careers and b) honoring legends late in their careers who’ve completely gotten the shaft in their original, legendary incarnations. Keep in mind that Led Zeppelin never won a Grammy. This is payback time for Plant.

Song of the Year: “American Boy” (Estelle feat. Kanye West)/”Chasing Pavements” (Adele)/”I’m Yours” (Jason Mraz)/”Love Song” (Sara Bareilles)/”Viva La Vida” (Coldplay)

Will Win: Coldplay

Should Win: Adele

The Bareilles song is a little too jingle-happy for my taste, so I count it out simply by virtue of me not liking it. The Mraz song is also a bit featherweight, and…why am I explaining all of this? Coldplay wins again, although the awfully pretty “Chasing Pavements” would be a better choice.

Best New Artist: Adele/Duffy/Jonas Brothers/Lady Antebellum/Jazmine Sullivan

Will Win: Jonas Brothers

Should Win: This is not a very strong category.

Um…where’s Leona Lewis? Sara Bareilles? Estelle? OneRepublic? All of these artists were left off in favor of on-their-third-album-so-hardly-new-artists The Jonas Brothers? Gimme a fuckin’ break. If there’s anything that convinces me more that The Grammys are rigged, it’s this category. The JoBros will win simply by virtue of no one having heard of anyone else in the category!

And like Porky the Pig said, that’s all folks! Stay tuned later tonight for SonicClash’s liveblog of the Grammy Awards and you can also see whether my predictions were right! Enjoy the show!!