To summarize last night’s show, Casey sucked, Crystal was good, and Lee was money. Now let’s get to business.

(By the way, if anything I write from here on out is goofy, I blame the medicine the doctor prescribed for me for what she described as whooping cough. If you ever want to know what whooping cough feels like, cough 100 times in a row without stopping. Take a breath. And then do it again.)

Ryno just asked Casey if he ever thought he’d be this far and if he thought that he’d win. He said no. Well, at least he agrees with the rest of us. Crystal said she envisioned herself winning. Lee said he wants to win. At least I think that’s what he said. He has a way with words. The only way I can describe how he answers a question is to pretend that answering a question directly is like walking in a straight line. Lee walks around in a circle, a squiggly line, does it backwards, and with his eyes closed.

The first video package is of Casey James and his trip back home to Texas. He signed a guitar for the hospital that helped him heal after an accident. You got to see Casey’s mom who has hair like Reba McIntyre from 1990.

Perez Hilton is on this show which has to be a sign of the apocalypse. He’s supporting a kid named Travis Garland who is another YouTube sensation like Justin Bieber. Perez just said he’s better than Justin Timberlake. I’ll go out on a limb and say that he’s not better than Justin Timberlake, nor Justin Bieber, or any of your friends named Justin who sing drunken karaoke.

Next we see Crystal in Ohio. She was a guest at her own parade and performed at her own concert called Bowerstock.

A friend asked me why she does the LeAnn Rimes eye squint and I think it’s a combination of being very tired and having heavy eye lids.

Lee was able to throw out the first pitch at Wrigley Field for a Cubs game. Now that was cool. Lee went back to the paint store that he used to work at and cried. I think he cried tears of joy because he’ll more than likely never have to work there again.

Those were some long video packages.

Bieber-Mania Is Runnin' Wild!

And now, it’s Justin Bieber time! Woohoo! I mean, um, hey, Justin Bieber’s on stage.

He reminds me a lot of Joe McIntyre from the New Kids On The Block. He just has to be able to get over the upcoming voice crack that will happen sometime this year. I will admit to buying Baby on iTunes for the kids. At the end of his performance, he grabbed some sticks and did a drum solo to show that he’s not your average pop idol. That was pretty cool.

And finally, it’s time for someone to go home.

Lee DeWyze is the first person to move on so it’s between Crystal and Casey. If Casey wins, we riot.

Crystal Bowersox is going to the finals. We get Lee vs. Crystal for all the marbles next week.

Don’t feel badly for Casey. Casey James is about to run rough shot through American Idol groupies like no one has done since Constantine. Fathers, be good to your daughters, and keep them away from Casey James for the next three months.

So who is it going to be? Lee or Crystal?

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