I know it’s time for the holidays, but I can’t help but reflect on some of the awful Christmas songs out there…

I used to hear a lot of these bad Christmas songs when I was growing up, getting ready for school and listening to morning radio shows. Morning radio, at least in the old days, was known for playing a lot of novelty songs. One song I could always count on hearing every holiday season was this gem…

Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer

Elmo and Patsy recorded “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer” in 1978. It later became a Christmas classic…

“Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer” is a pretty awful Christmas song. It’s all about an elderly woman who forgot her medication and staggered out in the snow and got hit by Santa’s sleigh. It’s a far cry from “The First Noel” or even “Jingle Bells”. I used to like hearing it every year, but now that I’m closer to Grandma’s age, it’s not as funny as it used to be.

The Twelve Pains of Christmas

“The Twelve Pains of Christmas” by Bob Rivers is so awful it’s good…

I have to admit that I actually really love “The Twelve Pains of Christmas”. I especially love what the YouTuber whose video I shared here did with this song. But it’s certainly a cynical look at the holiday season, isn’t it?

You Ain’t Getting Shit For Christmas

Red Peters recorded this awful Christmas song and I admit I listen to it every year…

This is a song by Red Peters about ungrateful adult kids who stand up their parents for the Christmas holidays. How dare those kids have their own plans for Christmas, anyway? You can shove that fruitcake up your asses, kids.

Holy Shit, It’s Christmas!

Here’s an equally profane offering by Red Peters in which he is joined by a chorus of chipmunks… It’s chock full of double entendres.

As I listen to this, it occurs to me that this is one of my favorite kinds of awful Christmas songs.

Mr. Santa

A take off of “Mr. Sandman” performed here by Amy Grant.

Every time I play this song, my husband reminds me that the guys singing sound like the chorus on Bugs Bunny cartoons that go “We’re the boys in the chorus”. This is definitely a song about Christmas greed, though I guess I understand why it would be a popular sentiment among kids.

Chipmunks Roasting on an Open Fire

Another offering by Bob Rivers.

All I gotta say is “sick”.

There’s Something Stuck Up In The Chimney

This song by Bob Rivers was introduced to me this morning and I have to say it qualifies as an awful Christmas song.

Although we’ve often heard about Santa Claus coming down the chimney, in practice it’s a pretty stupid thing to do. Would be thieves and stalkers have tried it and gotten stuck. A few years ago, a doctor tried to stalk her ex boyfriend, got stuck in his chimney, and died. So there’s something to this awful Christmas song. Stay out of chimneys!

The Chipmunk Song (Please Christmas Don’t Be Late)

There’s something about this song that makes me grit my teeth…

Alvin and the Chipmunks contribute this entry to awful Christmas songs with their high pitched, perfectly harmonized, highly irritating voices. Make it stop!

Christmas Shoes

Here’s a Christmas song about a little boy who buys shoes for his dying mother at Christmas…

I know this song by NewSong is a tear jerker, but I think it’s probably one of the most awful Christmas songs I’ve ever heard. A little boy buys a pair of shoes so she’ll look beautiful in case she meets Jesus that night. I’m not sure I’d buy shoes as a means of looking beautiful, but hell… it’s supposed to be about the spirit of giving.

Who Put The Dick On The Snowman?

Rodney Carrington asks this very important question.

Okay… this does make me giggle, but it’s not one of those songs you’d sing while caroling, right?

Last Christmas

This song is an 80s classic by Wham!

As I started playing this song, my dog started whining as if to tell me to “make it stop”. This is a breakup song with a very 80s video to accompany it. I have to admit, this song belongs on my list of awful Christmas songs, but God help me, I still like it. It’s a little depressing, but hell, people can relate to it.

Dear Mr. Jesus

Technically, this is not really a Christmas song…

“Dear Mr. Jesus” was recorded in 1985 by an evangelical Christian band called Power Source. Six year old Sharon Batts sang lead, but the song didn’t take off until Christmas 1987, when a radio station in Tampa, Florida played it. Back in November 1987, a little girl named Lisa Steinberg was beaten to death by her illegal adoptive father, Joel Steinberg. The song especially resonated with people who were saddened by Lisa Steinberg’s violent death and became a runaway hit. Since it became a hit in December 1987, it sort of sticks in my head as one of the most awful Christmas songs. I get the message, but jeez…

Hope your holidays are coming along just fine! Have a great weekend, everybody!