Money Mike and Paul live blogged the Grammy Awards earlier today. I’m on the West Coast so I get to watch the show on the dreaded tape delay. And just to make sure we have that West Coast point of view on the show, I’m going to give you the play by play as well.

The last few years that I’ve blogged this show, I’ve mentioned the need for coffee. Last year I made it all the way through without coffee. I’m going for two years in a row. But I may need toothpicks to hold my eye lids open by the end of this thing.

What’s this story that’s out about Chris Brown and Rihanna in a domestic dispute? I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but if any of this is true, it just shows that he has more in common with Papa Joe Jackson than Michael Jackson.

  • U2 opens up the show and I think Fat Albert should sue for gimmick infringement. Hey, hey, hey.
  • Whitty Houton is the first presenter for Best R&B Album and she has those boobs pushed up just about as far as they can go.
  • Jennifer Hudson won the award for her very bland debut album. I think people forgot that And I’m Telling You… was actually on the Dreamgirls album first.
  • There’s no better hype man than the Rock. I was waiting for him to say, “Uh huh, yeah!”
  • I wonder if in 1992, Boyz II Men would’ve thought they’d be relegated to singing back up for Rev Al Green and Justin Timberlake in 2009? Well, maybe Wanya.
  • The only thing I got out of that Chris Martin/Jay-Z duet is that both of them dudes need haircuts. Since when was fuzzy in?
  • There was a Diddy sighting! I think he said, “Uh huh yeah!”
  • Carrie Underwood is performing Last Name and for some reason, she didn’t know his last name. Uh, sweetie, his last name was Romo.
  • I think she’s also decided to get even skinnier for this performance as a last second dig at Jessica Simpson. Word to Jess – don’t wear high waist jeans.
  • LeAnn Rimes’s cheeks are so sunken in, she could be the third Olsen twin.
  • I wonder if when Al Green saw Duffy while waiting to present with her said, “So that’s what Duffy looks like.”
Duffy at Hovefestivalen 2008

Duffy at Hovefestivalen 2008

  • Viva La Vida won for Song Of The Year, which is deserving even though I liked nearly every other song on the list better. They were all pretty decent songs.
  • Hey, Kid Rock’s here. Wait, I thought he was directing Ice Cube movies. Whoops! That’s Fred Durst. Sorry.
  • Taylor Swift! Miley Cyrus! Together for the first time! When Average Happens!
  • Miley slanted her eyes for the song, but only because she was trying to hit some notes and had to squint.
  • Even though the song was entirely bland, Jennifer Hudson pulled through. With all that she’s been through, she definitely has a ton of charisma and is going to stick around. That Dreamgirls thing was no fluke y’all. She’s the real deal.
  • Wait, was that Stevie Wonder with the Jonas Brothers? So my favorite artist of all time with my kids’ favorite band? Only in America.
  • I think if the hip hop heads knew how much I was enjoying this, I’d get my card taken away.
  • Ok, I didn’t enjoy the Jonas’ doing Stevie’s Superstition as much as I enjoyed him doing Burnin’ Up.
  • Also, what’s the over/under on how many times Stevie’s performed this song at the Grammys or American Music Awards? 25?

  • Speaking of over/unders – where do we set how many more albums Katy Perry records that anyone ever listens to? One?
  • Since when did Kanye West get the same haircut as Apollo Creed from Rocky III? If the back was a little juicy, I’d have said the dude from Full Force.
  • Is it me or does Estelle look like Venus Williams? I bet she hits a helluva forehead. I mean forehand.
  • I want to apologize to Kenny Chesney for fast forwarding through his performance. I’m trying to catch up to live TV. I’ll get you next time Ken.
  • Diddy, Herbie Hancock, and Natalie Cole are together on screen to present for Record Of The Year. Hancock doesn’t look too happy. I think Diddy just told him he was going to remix Rock It.
  • Alison Krauss’ cleavage and Robert Plant won for I’ve Never Heard This Song In My Life.
  • I’m very uncertain about the Swagga Like Us performance. I think I need like an entire book to state my thoughts. From M.I.A. performing with that basketball underneath her sheer outfit to the black and white look, to T.I. eating the mic, to Jay-Z looking old enough to be everyone’s dad except for Kanye. I’m just really confused right now.
  • “Should I give up, or should I just keep chasing pavements?” That is the question.
  • Gwen Paltrow is much better spokeswoman for the no food and diuretics diet than Whitty Houton.
  • I’m unsure how I feel about Jamie Foxx, Smokedog Robinson, and Ne-Yo being a part of the Four Tops. Would any of the Four Tops have made a song with Adina Howard called T-Shirt & Panties?
  • I know, I haven’t written anything in the last 20 minutes. John Mayer, B.B. King, Neil Diamond, and Gary Sinese. They do all the crazy stuff early in the show.
  • The only way Robin Thicke gets on the Grammys is as a hook singer? Well, it is a helluva hook.
  • Jeez Lil’ Wayne is short. I guess that’s just not a clever name.
  • Who is that sitting next to T.I.? Wait, that’s the light skinded chick from Xscape. Is that one of his baby mamas?
    Xscape publicity shot

    Xscape publicity shot

  • I bet you the last thing you thought you’d see in a 2009 Grammy Awards post was a picture of Xscape.
  • Alison Krauss’ corset and Robert Plant just won Album Of The Year.
  • Wait, this is it? They’re not going an hour over like usual? Well, they just said Stevie Wonder is going to end the show. Steve might go for a half hour himself if they let him.
  • By the way, my favorite album and performer of the year, Ne-Yo was shut out of the big categories. I think they docked him for having that terrible thin mustache.
  • If I was too harsh, I apologize, and you can blame Money Mike. It’s his site. Ha!
  • Photo of Duffy by NRK_P3 and shared via creative commons
    Photo of Xscape by wikipedia