They always say the show must go on. And it will, though I’m not sure I’m ready to remember Houston yet.
LL Cool J is the host for the show. Yes, a guy who was one of the first hip hop stars is hosting the music industry’s most celebratory day. I don’t imagine many would’ve predicted that when DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince won the first ever Rap Grammy in 1989, that 23 years later, a hip hop star would be hosting this show.
(While this show has already happened since it started 3 hours ago and I get the West Coast tape-delayed version, I’m going to pretend this thing is live.)
7:59 – How many times will LL lick his lips tonight? I think the over/under is 100. I’m going over.
8:00 – The Boss opens up this show. I count three earrings. I once had an earring too … when I was 18. Come on Bruce, the gray hair, receding hairline, and earrings together aren’t a good look. Plus, you don’t need them bruh.
8:04 – In a matter of seconds after the Boss finished his song, the cameras cut to Katy Perry with blue FU Russell Brand colored hair, Lady Gaga wearing a veil, and before I could anticipate it, Fergie’s face popped up out of nowhere. I could take Perry and Gaga, but I haven’t been that scared after seeing Fergie’s butter-face since watching The Poltergeist.
8:08 – LL just gave a classy speech about “his sister” Whitney. Who says hip hop can’t be classy?
(I’m not sure how I’m going to make it through this show with all these Whitney clips.)
8:15 – Holy ****! Bruno Mars just sold a whole lotta albums tonight with his performance.
8:16 – And can we just be clear about one thing? Mars’ pompadour is nothing more than the Brandon Walsh/Dylan McKay hairdo from 1992. I may have to bust that out too. It’s coming back.
8:23 – The first Grammy Award is for Best Pop Solo Performance and it goes to Adele. I think Miss Adele is going to have a big night tonight.
8:25 – I go away to check on my dinner and I miss Chris Brown’s performance. Oh the horror. Chris Brown has a very special talent. His talent is to do some pretty impressive and athletic dance numbers and make them seem so unimportant. I don’t remember any MJ performance ever being so insignificant.
8:36 – Kanye West and Jay-Z win for Best Rap Performance and you’re telling me Kanye isn’t there? Well, he did get screwed by not being nominated for Album Of The Year. I guess I’d skip too.
8:58 – I could say that Rihanna’s wig is very Tina Turner-esque, but I’m going with Farrah Fawcett’s dry perm. I think I just dated myself twice. By the way, if you didn’t know based on the hook that was repeated about 75 times, “We found love in a hopeless place.”
9:14 – The Foo Fighters win for Best Rock Performance. New York Giants wide receivers Victor Cruz and Mario Manningham presented them with the award. I wish they had numbers on their suits so I could tell who was who.
9:19 – From my friend @freemaneric:
The Grammys, where Maroon 5 does “Surfer Girl” and everyone dies a little inside.
9:37 – From Paul McCartney to Common shouting out Gil-Scott Herron? This must be 2012.
9:37 – Chris Brown wins R&B Album Of The Year and shouts out Team Breezy. Yawn. El DeBarge was robbed.
9:45 – Give out more awards, give us less Taylor Swift performances.
9:51 – Adele and producer Paul Epworth win Song Of The Year. Epworth says that he couldn’t have done it without Adele. Really Paul? You mean you couldn’t have won this without Adele’s star power and voice?
9:59 – Lady A won for Country Album Of The Year and I’m happy just so that we don’t have to see Hillbilly Taylor come up with her banjo again.
10:10 – So Adele performed and she put boots to asses on everyone. It’s her night. She better win the whole damn thing.
10:24 – Talk about catchy. “Like a rhinestone cowboy…” From @IAMJericho:
Watching McCartney clapping along to Glenn Campbell is true class. #rocknrollisfamily
10:31 – Carrie Underwood is on stage singing “It Had To Be You” with Tony Bennett. Another Tony, Tony Romo just pointed at the TV and said, “Me?”
10:33 – That’s how you pronounce Bon Iver? And I’m so confused how they are a new artist, but oh well.
10:45 – I really wanted to like Jennifer Hudson’s performance and I’m sure it came straight from the heart. But I don’t think it was very good and it was the wrong song to sing. Also, Melanie Amaro channels Whitney better than Jennifer does.
11:04 – Common presented earlier and now it’s Drake’s turn. Sweet. I mean, um, yeah.
11:08 – I think Nicki Minaj thinks this is her Lady Gaga moment. Sadly, it’s not.
11:11 – This is Adele’s year. You can’t stop Adele. You can only hope to contain her. She also wins Record Of The Year.
11:21 – And she wins Album Of The Year. She gives a raw reaction and not something preconceived or prepared, unlike a lot of what’s wrong with music in 2012.
11:25 – Sir Paul McCartney goes HAM to end the show. See you next year.
Whitney Houston photo is in the public domain.