Hip Hop Honors

Well, I guess you can say we’re not technically live since I’m on the West Coast, and also, since this show was taped over the weekend. But it’s as live as it can be!

This year is focused on the dirty south and I can’t say that Southern flavored hip hop is my cup of tea, but celebrating culture is celebrating culture and I dig.

And really, what does it say about the rest of music television that VH-1 is the station that reps hip hop culture? Uh, BET when are you ever going to pick up that punk card?

– Craig Robinson came out and was shouting for a minute and dude is now out of breath. He’ll never be able to emcee with his lack of breathing.

– And the first person celebrated tonight is, um Uncle Luke? And helping us celebrate Uncle Luke is, um Kid Rock? Akinyele is thinking to himself right now, “Ok, I may get invited to this thing one day.”

– If Luke’s gonna be true to the game, someone’s gettin’ nekkid on stage tonight right?

– Hey, Trick Daddy! I almost forgot about you bruh. You better thank VH-1 tonight.

– I was hoping that Asian dude from 2 Live Crew was going to show his face.

– Game’s doing a pretty good job on My Mind’s Playing Tricks On Me. Maybe that’s what he should do for real now. Just be a hip hop karaoke artist. Hey, Game, my kid’s birthday is this weekend. You think you can do some B.o.B.?

– Here to honor Jermaine Dupri is Kris Kross! Wait, no? You can’t bring Kris Kross out here for this? What about gettin’ Da Brat out of jail for this?

Hell naw!

– Who had a “Hell naw!” moment when you heard Jermaine Durpi was dating Janet Jackson? I know that I did.

– Ok, I lied. Kris Kross is here. Or at least Kris, or is that Kross? Whatever. The dude that wasn’t the light skinned one is here. He did Jump! and everyone exploded. He did another song. Silence.

– Lil’ Romeo not so Lil’ anymore. Maybe that’s why he dropped the Lil’?

– If Romeo is on here, I want to see the rest of the Miller brothers. I want to see Silkk and even C-Murder. Wait, we can’t see C-Murder. My bad.

– I really liked this write-up of Master P’s family life on his Wikipedia page. I’d put money on P being the author.

Master P has a wife called Sonya Cassandra Miller. P.Miller would call him self ‘Jed Clampett’ and he would call wife, Sonya Miller, ‘Ellie May.’ Master P’s love was limit. Sonya and Percy had 6 children, boys: Percy Romeo Miller, Vercy Miller [young V] Mercy. girls: Tylyana Miller, Italiana Miller, and Itali Miller. But Master P fell out with Sonya and married another women and had two kids, Cymphonique Miller, and Veno Miller. But their mother and Master P fell out so P.Miller got back together with Sonya.

– I think the only song that’s going to make the crowd jump from P is Make Em Say Uhh. Maybe Shaq can make a cameo.

– Why is Trina giving a midget a piggy back ride? Wait, that’s no midget.

– By the way, I was right about Make Em Say Uhh. Crowd was waiting and anticipating.

– I think my man Lil’ Jon’s been going on some dates with Jenny Craig. On the other hand, Bone Crusher looks like his Aunties were Nell Carter and Shirley Hemphill.

– At least we now know Keri Hilson’s voice is helped in the studio. Why she decided to sing live tonight, the world will never know.

– How come whenever I see Missy Elliot on stage, I want to see a huge black plastic bubble suit?

– And are the odds long that Magoo shows up to help honor Timbaland tonight?

– You know, if we give Timbo and David Banner some jheri curl wigs, they could pass as members of Full Force.

– Just saw Kelly Rowland. I know Beyonce won, but really, did we vote correctly on who is the prettiest of Destiny’s Child?

– So first, Uncle Luke gets honored, and now 2 Live Crew gets honored? Is Luke producing this show? At least I get to see my Asian dude.

– Looks like that Brother Marquis hasn’t done his verse on Me So Horny in a very long time. Actually, dude looks like he hasn’t done much of anything in a long time.

– Organized Noize produced Waterfalls?

– Asher Roth is on this show? Again, Akinyele is like, “Man, my odds are getting better every minute.”

– In what might’ve been the lowest point ever in Hip Hop Honors, DJ Khalid and Rick Ross nearly didn’t fit on the stage together. We almost had a moment.

– By the way, I don’t even think Weezy would wear a Free Lil’ Wayne shirt. He’d just be like, “Ya, I deserve to be in jail.”

– Now that this show is over, I think we’ve learned one thing – they’re runnin’ out of people to honor and Akinyele is gonna get his.

Photo of JD shared via Wikipedia and shared via the Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license