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Tag: Ruben Studdard

  • American Idol Season 9 – And The Winner Is…

    Paula Abdul
    It’s time to see who is the season 9 winner of American Idol. However, it will take us over two hours to get here. Fox usually packs the finale show with performances, goofy skits, and video packages. Tonight, I have heard they’ll also give Simon Cowell a mighty send off. I just hope that they bring back Paula Abdul to help send him off.

    Tonight, let’s do the recap diary style.

    8:02 – It’s been 24 hours since last night’s performances and Lee still looks nervous.

    8:03 – Ryno Seacrest introduces the judges and Randall Jackson is wearing a suit that would make a pimp blush.

    8:06 – Alice Cooper performs School’s Out For Summer with the Top 12, and Siobhan (aka creepy little girl) stole his creepy thunder with her creepiness.

    (By the way Idol, way to understand your demographics with that one. Who’s next tonight, Ozzy Osbourne?)

    8:13 – Kris Allen is singing some new song and I’m still giving anyone 2-1 odds who doesn’t think he’s getting divorced soon. He has that look in his eyes that says he’s on the hunt for new meat.

    8:16 – We get our first Simon Cowell video package, which is a complete waste of time. But at least I got to see Paula.

    8:18 – Creepy little girl and Aaron Kelly are singing How Deep Is Your Love. She looks like she wants to eat him.

    8:19 – The beautiful Bee Gees came out to join them. Barry had to sing his lines to creepy girl, while poor Robin had to sing his to Aaron. That was awkward.

    8:26 – Big Mike Lynche and Michael McDonald are dueting Taking It To The Streets. If Taylor Hicks comes out right now doing his jig, I will smile largely.

    (By the way, Alice Cooper, the brothers Gibb, and Michael McDonald have been the celebrity performers so far, and McDonald is the youngest at a ripe age of 58. American Idol, on the cutting edge!)

    8:31 – Let’s take a moment of silence for Dane Cook’s career. Bow, there it is.

    8:34 – The top 6 girls came out to perform Christina Aguilera’s Beautiful. Lacy Brown led the way and all of America tried to remember if she was on the show or not.

    8:37 – Christina herself came out to sing and she’s still number one on my list of those who I’d request to sing me lullabies before I sleep. Rosie O’Donnell is last on that list by the way.

    (The roaming camera reached around to Christina’s backside, and I have to say that for a skinny girl, she’s got some junk in the trunk.)

    8:47 – The top 6 boys are singing Hall & Oates tunes, which leads me to think…

    8:49 – …that of course, Hall & Oates are coming out. I wonder if they’ll get Scott Savol to get on stage and sing She’s Gone? You think Scott’s persona non grata with Idol? All he did was beat his girlfriend. Come on people, where’s your forgiveness!

    (By the way, I might be the only Idol blog to mention Scott Savol’s name. I’ll do you one better. How about Corey Clark?

    8:51 – Darryl Hall looks like he hasn’t bathed in the year 2010.

    8:52 – Janelle Wheeler who was my favorite Idol contestant to look at, and who also dated Tim Tebow is hanging out with Crystal’s fans in Toledo, Ohio. But she’s not wearing those terrific pants that I love.

    This Girl Can Wear Some Pants

    8:53 – Crystal is out singing Ironic. Wait, does that mean Alanis Morrisette is coming out?

    8:54 – Of course it does! I think she’s making fun of Joey from Full House or something.

    9:01 – Carrie Underwood is performing. Do you remember what I said about Christina Aguilera being such a skinny girl and having junk in the trunk? Well, as far as having junk in the trunk, it’s the same for Carrie, only the opposite. She has one of the more famous cases of noassatall.

    9:08 – Casey James is out singing and Bret Michaels comes out. Wait, isn’t Bret Michaels sick? I have a feeling those guys are going carousing tonight.

    9:18 – Lee DeWyze and Chicago perform, and right after, Ryan throws it to Matt Rogers, the former football player who was on Idol many years ago. Rogers looks about 45 years old with a receding hair line. I don’t want to remember my Idols this way. Go away Matt, just go away.

    9:21 – General Larry Platt and a bunch of extras from the movie Step Up performed Pants On The Ground. Then William Hung joined the fray and let’s just say that he doesn’t speak English any better than you remember. I would be lying if I didn’t say that I enjoyed this better than Lee DeWyze and Chicago.

    9:29 – Yay! It’s Paula Abdul on stage!

    9:34 – Boo! Paula’s gone.

    9:35 – Kelly Clarkson, Ruben Studdard, and Fantasia Barrino all came out to sing with Simon. Ten bucks says that Taylor Hicks didn’t get invited.

    9:36 – Damnit! I owe you ten bucks.

    9:37 – Holy jeez! All the terrible ghosts of American Idol contestants past came out to sing for Simon. Mikalah Gordon done growed up. Constantine just winked at me!

    9:38 – Mysteriously absent was David Cook. And for that matter, Jennifer Hudson. Wait, she hates Simon.

    9:44 – The top 12 is out singing Janet Jackson’s Again. Wait, does that mean…

    9:45 – Of course it does! Miss Janet Jackson is on stage sans her weave. Her hair is amazingly short.

    9:49 – And the junk in the trunk award goes to, Janet Jackson. Holy cow. She’s now performing Nasty. And you know who choreographed that video.

    9:52 – I think Randall Jackson is in love.

    9:54 – Please answer this for me once and for all. Is the gap in Crystal’s teeth near the side of her mouth charming or a hot mess?

    10:01 – Ryno’s going to tease us about the results for about five minutes here.

    10:02 – Ok, I lied. He’s getting right to it. And Lee is terrified.

    10:03 – And the winner is… (aw man) Lee DeWyze!

    10:04 – Crystal isn’t a sore loser at all, but you have to think that she knows she was robbed heartily.

    10:05 – I just realized that Lee’s average cover of Beautiful Day is going to top the iTunes charts next week.

    10:06 – I also just realized that this show may be entirely different next year. Good night everyone.

    Paula Abdul photo shared via Wikipedia through the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported license

  • American Idol Season 9 – Who Makes The Top 9?

    Didi Benami
    Didi Done Did It This Time
    I’ve done pretty well at calling the first two eliminations and soon, they will be harder and harder to call. But I’ll call it here again. I don’t think Miss Didi Benami is going to make it to next week. When contestants don’t look happy performing and it seems as if they aren’t having fun, it doesn’t necessarily inspire people to vote for them. I think that’s what happens to Didi.

    They pulled Ruben Studdard out of the closet they were hiding him in and he performed what seems like a new single. You can tell how much a crowd enjoys a performance by how many times the artist has to ask the crowd to get into it. Studdard must’ve asked the crowd at least three times to clap along with him. Maybe next time he should get on his knees and beg. “Come on y’all!”

    Ryno Seacrest just said that Ruben and Clay Aiken were going on tour together. It’s like if Luther Vandross and Elton John impostors were touring together.

    Onto the contestants …

    Ryno asks Lee Dewyze to stand up. Lee goes on and on about his performance last night, but still looks constipated. How can the guy look constipated every week? Give the brother some fiber. He’s safe.

    Ryno asks Casey to stand up and asks him how he can challenge himself. The first words out of Casey’s mouth were, “I mean …” No Case, we have no idea what you mean because you didn’t say anything yet. He’s safe.

    Aaron Kelly is up and Ryno asks him if he’s ever really been in love. Aaron says that his nether regions were aflutter when he saw Miley Cyrus last week. Ok, he didn’t say that. Ryno told him he was safe anyway.

    Creepy girl and Katie stand up together. Creepy girl isn’t living down her nickname with her wardrobe. Katie is in the bottom three. Simon says that he wishes Katie would’ve taken his advice as if to say that if she did, she wouldn’t be in the bottom three. Don’t worry Simon, she’s not going home.

    Justin Bieber is sitting in the crowd to watch Usher perform. Hey, I just wrote about Bieber-Mania today.

    Usher’s performing OMG, his newest single. It’s only the worst song on his new album. The girl might make Usher say, “Oh my God”, but the song makes me roll my eyes. The guy is simply too talented to put out crap like this. And to make things worse, will.i.am shows up to throw his terrible rhymes into the ether.

    By the time this thing was over, I was hoping that Demi Lovato and Joe Jonas were going to save him.

    Back to the evicting – it’s Didi’s turn. I have a bad feeling about this. I think Ryno could’ve told her to sit down and she would’ve just walked to the other side of the stage to join Katie anyway. Didi is in the bottom three, and all of you participating in the Sonic Spring Singing Contest were all right on the money in picking her, just like George wrote today.

    Ryno tricked Big Mike into thinking he was in the bottom three and in turn, Big Mike picked Ryno up and nearly threw him into the air. Ryno better check his shorts during the next commercial.

    Crystal is also safe. Timothy and Andrew stand up together. Timothy is the smartest person in this competition. He just told America that the reason he smiles is because he’s the luckiest man on the face of the earth. Or something like that. But he’s genuinely likable no matter how badly he sucks the big sloppy dunky one. Andrew is safe and Teflon Timothy is in the bottom three.

    Ryno sends Katie back to safety. It’s Didi vs. Timothy in a “Who is more terrible?” competition.

    Diddy and his group “Dirty Money” are performing tonight for whatever reason. This performance was actually not half bad. But in the 13 years that Diddy has been a recording artist, he still can’t rap worth a damn. And just to think, he was friends with one of the greatest rappers of all time. Just goes to show you that rapping is just as much of a talent as singing is. You can fake it to make it, but skills are skills.

    I just thought about this. We have a Didi and a Diddy on the same show.

    Teflon Timothy does it again. Didi Benami is on her way out, but she’s trying to sing her way back on the show hoping that the judges will save her from doom. It’s actually a really solid performance, but it also shows that her range is pretty weak. If Simon and company bring her back, I’ll eat my hat.

    Simon says he’s not going to save her, saving Didi for another week of unhappy singing and saving me from having to eat my hat. It’s time for Didi to leave right now.

    Photo of Didi Benami shared via Wikipedia

  • American Idol Season 8 – Motown Showdown

    Smokey in concert
    Smokey in concert

    Ok, so I have to say that last night’s show was one of the more fun Idol shows that I can remember. Many of the performances were better than good and there were only a few that were hard to sit through. Plus, we had Smoke Dog Robinson. What more could you ask for?

    Well, tonight we not only get Smoke Dog performing (with Joss Stone for some reason), but we also get Ruben Studdard and Stevie Wonder. If I were a mean person I’d wonder if the American Idol folks promised a buffet tonight. But I’m not mean.

    And though I wanted to see Steveland do more Burnin’ Up with the Jonas Brothers, it sounds like he’s going to do a Motown medley. That’s all good in my book. What’s Ruben going to do? I’m guessing he’s going to either celebrate someone home, or perform something from his new album which comes out very soon.

    Before I get to the show, did you know that Kara DioGuardi is 38 years old? I’m not usually into older women, but you know, she could probably change that.

    The 10 contestants are doing a Motown medley. Word came out today that these medleys are pre-taped and the contestants lip sync on stage. Really? Someone had to actually research this? Considering that these contestants get hammered for missing notes and being pitchy all the time, I figured they had to be pre-taped. They wouldn’t let them go live especially while trying to remember dance steps.

    Big Rube Studdard is on stage now and he hit one long note and is already sweaty. How did that happen? The song is nice, but it’s not going to be Big Rube’s comeback song.

    They show footage of the contestants flying from Los Angeles to Detroit in a jet. They show poor Scott yawning so they can make fun of him. How the heck was Scott supposed to know the camera was there? Someone on that show has a cruel sense of humor.

    Adam is up first and they’re getting him out of the way first. He’s safe. By the way, his hair-do is back to Adam normal, which is just not normal for anyone else who didn’t go to the Adam Ant or Culture Club school of fashion. I did buy his version of Tracks Of My Tears on iTunes and sadly, it’s a studio version rather than the live version. It’s still nice, but it’s missing the component of him actually hitting those notes live.

    Here’s a bad copy of Adam’s brilliant performance from last night. So far, this one hasn’t been taken down.

    Matt is next up and he either has a huge zit on his forehead or it’s a mole. Have I not noticed that before? Matty is in the bottom three. America, I’m shaking my head at you. But Kris is safe. Of course he is. The guitar is more loved than the piano.

    Lil Rounds is safe, but Michael is not. America, though I’m still shaking my head at you, you got that one right.

    Joss Stone is out singing and Megan just looked at everyone and said, “See, that’s what I’m trying to do. Don’t you get it now?” Actually, Joss is trying the R&B thing a little too hard. I didn’t like it that much. Well, that is until Smoke Dog entered the building. With Smoke Dog and Stevie on the same show, I wonder if they are going for that over 50 demographic a bit hard? Also, it’s kind of hard watching 20-something year old Joss and 60-something year old Smoke Dog sing, “You’re the one for me,” to each other without wondering if Smoke Dog was her long lost grandfather.

    Who is going to join Matty and Michael in the bottom three? Not Allison because she is safe. Anoop’s upside ya’ head is safe as well. Danny is safe and smiling.

    Scott and Megan are up together and Megan was looking so pretty until she made this face to pretend that she was surprised at the bad feedback she received from the judges. It’s kind of hard to explain, but she bugged out her eyes, sunk in her cheek bones, puffed out that cleft above the upper lip, and I think gave herself a double chin. It was a frightening two seconds, but then her face went back to normal and all was well in the world again.

    Scott is in the bottom three. Scott kind of looks like (believe it or not) “The Greatest American Hero”.

    America, at least you got two out of three right.

    Randall Jackson says Matt rocked the mike and doesn’t deserve to be there. Ryno sends Scott back to safety.

    Stevie Wonder is doing a medley that starts off with My Cherie Amour. He moves onto Superstition and right when I expected the Jonas Brothers to come in and screw up Stevie’s lyrics, they were nowhere to be found.

    Are we at the point where Steve just needs to cut off all his hair? Is there a reason for the dreadlocks if they cover only the latter half of his head? I love Steve more than maybe any entertainer on earth. I’m just trying to help.

    Paula and her smooshed together boobs were dancing to Overjoyed while Stevie was singing. It started off a little rough for Steve as he forgot where the mic was, but he started to sing his ass off. Stevie then finished off with a song I didn’t recognize and neither did the rest of the contestants. They were hootin’ and a hollerin’ for Superstition and had to do some pretending with this song.

    Matty is safe. Michael Sarver now has to sing for his American Idol career. He better not be too proud to beg. Because he has zero chance to overwhelm these judges and get saved. Carrie Underwood will send him back to Home Sweet Home.

    Michael actually did a better job tonight than he did yesterday. But Simon still sent him home.

    Photo by jcrawford3505 and shared through creative commons