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Tag: Lionel Richie

  • Introducing the Falsettometer: Part 1: Philip Bailey


    Welcome to The Falsettometer, where we will look at Great Moments in Falsetto History. Please keep all glass objects out of reach when reading this column or playing one of the videos embedded in a falsettometer column.

    Of course, we have to begin with one of the All Time Falsetto Greats. Someone whose voice can hit notes so high, 5 year old boys look at one another in awe and ask “How did he do that?”

    At any rate, here are the three things that come to mind whenever I think of Earth, Wind & Fire:

    1) No one must have been getting paid in that band, because there were about 64 members. Anyone remember seeing them on Merv Griffin or Mike Douglas back in the day? There were literal *tiers* of members.

    2) Maurice White has one of pop music’s all-time biggest foreheads. Put him and Peabo Bryson together and you basically get a 10-foot tall skull.

    3) Philip Bailey’s voice was so high, he didn’t even sound like a girl. He sounded *unnatural*. Whether the song was “Can’t Hide Love” (“bet-TAH!!”), “September” (“bow-de-ow-de-ow-de-ah!!” or his own “Easy Lover” (if you don’t love “Easy Lover”, something is wrong with you), there was no doubt who was singing. I would say the man’s testicles up and ran away at some point during the Seventies, but Mr. Bailey has *several* kids. God bless him.

    Anyway, EW&F were one of the best at synthesizing pop and funk back in the day (although I’ll admit that they were a bit sanitized for my tastes-even Lionel Richie and The Commodores were grimier than EW&F), but their calling card was ballads. The combo of Maurice White’s ethereal growl and Philip’s falsetto was a hell of a two-pronged attack. And when it comes to slow jams, there are very few better than “Reasons”, which is all Philip. Enjoy, and stay tuned for future editions of The Falsettometer!!

  • Friday Throwback – Lady (You Bring Me Up)

    When I was a kid, my dad used to leave the VCR on all night recording MTV and VH-1, back when they both played videos. I guess he wanted to check out what he missed in the morning. But there was one video that I still remember until this day just because of how wacky it was. I sat there wondering why Lionel Richie was singing and dancing in booty high soccer short. Why wasn’t he just dancing on the ceiling? It was outrageous.

    – Those are some short white shorts.

    – They must’ve had to rehearse those dance sequences at least once before shooting the video.

    – Even the referee was getting his boogie on.

    – Which one is the father of that guy Adam from “The Real World”? I called him Adam Richie for most of the season until he did that terrible rap which lead me to believe there’s no way he could be Lionel Richie’s biological son with that lack of musical talent.

    – Did they just kick a basketball at Lionel? And really, wouldn’t this video be better on the basketball court? Imagine Lionel in those same shorts, except with a tank top sized jersey, showing off a massive tuft of chest hair and gold chains danging from his neck. Ok, I think I went too far with that one. Back to the soccer field.

    – Wait, I hope the girls threw those drawers at him.

    – You just knew that girl with the long hair in the pig tails was trouble.

    – There must be a “Behind The Music” story about how this video was a rib on a groupie activity that the Commodores had one time right? I imagine that story would start by Lionel saying, “One time, we were hanging out with Pele …”

  • Friday Throwback – Hello

    All I need to say about this, is that this is classic Lionel.

    • Tony Billy Boy?
    • Is Lionel dreamin’ of creepin’ with his student?
    • Was that a phallic symbol in her hands?
    • No, that was just her cane.
    • Lionel had one of the great mustaches of our day.
    • How creepy is it to stalk a blind girl?
    • That was corniest “Hello!” I’ve ever seen in my life.
    • The sculpture is half cro-magnum man and half Lionel.
    • And the mustache isn’t as good.
    • I don’t think she was all that cute. Was Lionel blind?

    What else can you say about that one?