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Tag: Aaron Kelly

  • American Idol Season 9 – Who Makes The Top 8 (For Real This Time)?

    Last night was Elvis night and oh man, I thought it was a rough night. I think the judges were grading on a curve because we didn’t see eye to eye. They loved Tim. I think Tim is like the dumb guy in class who everyone claps for when he gets a B -, only because it’s not a F. They loved Lee. I thought Lee was lazy and sleepy eyed.

    But what we did agree on is that Andrew Garcia is just lost and confused. Simon says the “cool” has been sucked out of him. His rendition of Hound Dog was one of the worst performances I’ve ever seen on American Idol and that says a lot considering how many bad performers there have been. I didn’t even say Constantine’s name and he still started shivering for a reason unbeknown to him.

    I say that alongside Andrew, the elf-like Aaron also goes home. He’s slowly turning into Chicken Little.

    I Have Hair Envy
    I imagine Adam Lambert is going to perform tonight. Let’s hope he doesn’t dry hump anyone or kiss his guitar player. Also, I do hope to get my hair as high as him this weekend. I have hair envy.

    What? Brooke White is also performing tonight? I hope Didi Benami joins her on stage for a possible pasty duet.

    It’s elimination time. Remember, because Big Mike was saved last week, two people are going home tonight.

    Ryno tells Casey, Aaron, and Andrew to meet him in the center of the stage. He got right to it. My Mexican brother Andrew is gone. Lee DeWeed just lost his brother from another mother. Aaron and Casey are safe.

    They showed a teaser video for Idol Gives Back with Elliott Yamin and Kara DioGuardi, and of course, it was pretty heart wrenching.

    Brooke White is singing with a Constantine! Oh no! Wait, that’s not Constantine. It’s a young man by the name of Justin Gaston. Brooke’s wearing shoes by the way. Brooke is so darn likable. I’m a fan.

    Ryno brings Lee, creepy girl, Katie, Big Mike, Crystal, and Teflon Timothy to the middle of the stage. Crystal is safe and decides to play her harmonica on her way back to her seat. Creepy girl is safe and she walks creepily back to her seat. Lee is safe, though he looks like he has the stomach flu since he was so nervous.

    Adam Lambert performs Whataya Want From Me and his hair is just as high as can be. The performance was pretty good too.

    Big Mike, Teflon Timothy, and Katie Stevens are at center stage and one of these three are going home. Ryno tells Teflon Timothy that he’s safe, proving that America is once again deaf and dumb.

    It’s down to Big Mike and Katie. Ryno says that one person goes home and the other person isn’t even in the bottom three. He just likes to mess with people.

    The person going home is Katie Stevens. She went home about two weeks too early. Creepy girl is very sad and all I can think of is if I ever meet her, I don’t want to make her sad so she never has to make that face again. Big Mike whispered some words of wisdom into Katie’s ear before he left her to sing her blues away.

    Carrie Underwood is singing them Home Sweet Home. Wait, that was the song from a couple of years ago. Maybe I just wish that was still the go home song instead of this lame Will Young song. Will Young can “leave right now”.

    Next week’s theme is inspiration and the mentor looks like it’s supposed to be Alicia Keys. That could be good. Let’s hope Swizz Beatz stays home.

  • American Idol Season 9 – Who Makes The Top 8?

    This is the first week in the newest season in which I have no real idea who is going home. No one had a performance which just caused you to hold your nose so as not to smell the stench coming out of the television.

    Our brown-haired punching bag, Teflon Timothy didn’t even have his usual stink-a-roo performance, which could work against him. Why? Well, in the previous weeks, his fans were trying to save him out of desperation and fear. This week, they’re probably not as desperate.

    With a water gun to my head, I think my Mexican brother Andrew Garcia is the one who probably takes the hit. He’s nowhere near the worst singer left, but then again, neither was Paige Miles. Santa’s little helper, Aaron Kelly is now grating my nerves, but I don’t think people are ready to see him go. I think Teflon Timothy does survive one more week, but it will be much harder next week.

    Onto the elimination …

    Ryno makes creepy girl stand-up first. He pulls her toward the center of the stage.

    Crystal Bowersox is next to have her emotions played with. She joins creepy girl at the center of the stage.

    Young Katie Stevens joins them. They are the girl power group of three.

    Crystal is safe. And so are Katie and creepy girl. Well, that was a waste.

    But it does mean that it’s an all-dude bottom three. That sounded kind of lewd.

    Jason Derulo is performing. I really like his energy and think he’s more than just a one hit wonder. He was also signed by my wife, Miss Kara DioGuardi. And if I wasn’t so lazy, I’d put the umlaut over the “u” in his name. But I don’t want to do the google search to figure out the HTML. I want to watch dude perform.

    I enjoy Whatcha Say more as a song, but he performers In My Head instead. He may eventually need to lose that Freddie Jackson mustache. If I told you that he outperformed Usher (who was on this show last week), would you believe me? Well, he did.

    David Archuleta
    Last night, I was wondering who was going to try to pull off Imagine and no one did. Instead, we get David Archuleta, who performed this song during his season, to give it to us. You mean Blake Lewis was busy?

    It was probably his money performance of his season, though I’d say guest starring on iCarly was a bigger thrill for me personally. Ok, I think I just might’ve given you more information about myself than necessary.

    David Archuleta and Aaron Kelly could both be in the new Harry Potter movie and I’m not sure anyone would recognize them. Accio!

    It’s Lee’s turn to stand-up. Ryno’s going to split the rest of the guys into two groups. One group will be the safe group. One group will be the all-male bottom three. There I go again.

    Lee goes to one side and Big Mike starts another group. Casey joins Lee and Aaron joins Big Mike. Tim joins Lee and Casey. I can tell you right now that Aaron, Big Mike, and Andrew are the bottom three.

    I could make a slightly political/racial statement about the two minorities being in the bottom three, but let’s face it, we know who watches this show.

    Aaron Kelly is safe, predictably. I’ll save the speech and just say, demographics, demographics, demographics.

    If Big Mike is the the guy to go home, I think the judges save him. If Andrew goes home, I don’t think they save him.

    Rihanna performs Rock Star 101. Jeez, she’s going through singles like morning donuts at an Internet company. I think she’s singing live, but it’s not like the song is all that hard to sing. She’s wearing this tight patent leather suit that only she and Lady Gaga can pull off these days. But it’s hiding her trunk a bit and that makes me sad.

    Andrew Garcia is safe and Big Mike goes home. Wow! First shocker of the season. Let’s hope he gets saved.

    He’s singing Woman’s Work while his wife is crying. That was heartbreaking.

    Here’s video of the first time he performed the song:

    They used the save! Big Mike is back next week and if it’s anything like last year, there will be two eliminations last week.

    Seacrest out!

  • American Idol Season 9 – Who Makes The Top 9?

    Didi Benami
    Didi Done Did It This Time
    I’ve done pretty well at calling the first two eliminations and soon, they will be harder and harder to call. But I’ll call it here again. I don’t think Miss Didi Benami is going to make it to next week. When contestants don’t look happy performing and it seems as if they aren’t having fun, it doesn’t necessarily inspire people to vote for them. I think that’s what happens to Didi.

    They pulled Ruben Studdard out of the closet they were hiding him in and he performed what seems like a new single. You can tell how much a crowd enjoys a performance by how many times the artist has to ask the crowd to get into it. Studdard must’ve asked the crowd at least three times to clap along with him. Maybe next time he should get on his knees and beg. “Come on y’all!”

    Ryno Seacrest just said that Ruben and Clay Aiken were going on tour together. It’s like if Luther Vandross and Elton John impostors were touring together.

    Onto the contestants …

    Ryno asks Lee Dewyze to stand up. Lee goes on and on about his performance last night, but still looks constipated. How can the guy look constipated every week? Give the brother some fiber. He’s safe.

    Ryno asks Casey to stand up and asks him how he can challenge himself. The first words out of Casey’s mouth were, “I mean …” No Case, we have no idea what you mean because you didn’t say anything yet. He’s safe.

    Aaron Kelly is up and Ryno asks him if he’s ever really been in love. Aaron says that his nether regions were aflutter when he saw Miley Cyrus last week. Ok, he didn’t say that. Ryno told him he was safe anyway.

    Creepy girl and Katie stand up together. Creepy girl isn’t living down her nickname with her wardrobe. Katie is in the bottom three. Simon says that he wishes Katie would’ve taken his advice as if to say that if she did, she wouldn’t be in the bottom three. Don’t worry Simon, she’s not going home.

    Justin Bieber is sitting in the crowd to watch Usher perform. Hey, I just wrote about Bieber-Mania today.

    Usher’s performing OMG, his newest single. It’s only the worst song on his new album. The girl might make Usher say, “Oh my God”, but the song makes me roll my eyes. The guy is simply too talented to put out crap like this. And to make things worse, will.i.am shows up to throw his terrible rhymes into the ether.

    By the time this thing was over, I was hoping that Demi Lovato and Joe Jonas were going to save him.

    Back to the evicting – it’s Didi’s turn. I have a bad feeling about this. I think Ryno could’ve told her to sit down and she would’ve just walked to the other side of the stage to join Katie anyway. Didi is in the bottom three, and all of you participating in the Sonic Spring Singing Contest were all right on the money in picking her, just like George wrote today.

    Ryno tricked Big Mike into thinking he was in the bottom three and in turn, Big Mike picked Ryno up and nearly threw him into the air. Ryno better check his shorts during the next commercial.

    Crystal is also safe. Timothy and Andrew stand up together. Timothy is the smartest person in this competition. He just told America that the reason he smiles is because he’s the luckiest man on the face of the earth. Or something like that. But he’s genuinely likable no matter how badly he sucks the big sloppy dunky one. Andrew is safe and Teflon Timothy is in the bottom three.

    Ryno sends Katie back to safety. It’s Didi vs. Timothy in a “Who is more terrible?” competition.

    Diddy and his group “Dirty Money” are performing tonight for whatever reason. This performance was actually not half bad. But in the 13 years that Diddy has been a recording artist, he still can’t rap worth a damn. And just to think, he was friends with one of the greatest rappers of all time. Just goes to show you that rapping is just as much of a talent as singing is. You can fake it to make it, but skills are skills.

    I just thought about this. We have a Didi and a Diddy on the same show.

    Teflon Timothy does it again. Didi Benami is on her way out, but she’s trying to sing her way back on the show hoping that the judges will save her from doom. It’s actually a really solid performance, but it also shows that her range is pretty weak. If Simon and company bring her back, I’ll eat my hat.

    Simon says he’s not going to save her, saving Didi for another week of unhappy singing and saving me from having to eat my hat. It’s time for Didi to leave right now.

    Photo of Didi Benami shared via Wikipedia