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  • Awful Christmas songs…

    Awful Christmas songs…

    I know it’s time for the holidays, but I can’t help but reflect on some of the awful Christmas songs out there…

    I used to hear a lot of these bad Christmas songs when I was growing up, getting ready for school and listening to morning radio shows. Morning radio, at least in the old days, was known for playing a lot of novelty songs. One song I could always count on hearing every holiday season was this gem…

    Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer


    Elmo and Patsy recorded “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer” in 1978. It later became a Christmas classic…

    “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer” is a pretty awful Christmas song. It’s all about an elderly woman who forgot her medication and staggered out in the snow and got hit by Santa’s sleigh. It’s a far cry from “The First Noel” or even “Jingle Bells”. I used to like hearing it every year, but now that I’m closer to Grandma’s age, it’s not as funny as it used to be.

    The Twelve Pains of Christmas


    “The Twelve Pains of Christmas” by Bob Rivers is so awful it’s good…

    I have to admit that I actually really love “The Twelve Pains of Christmas”. I especially love what the YouTuber whose video I shared here did with this song. But it’s certainly a cynical look at the holiday season, isn’t it?

    You Ain’t Getting Shit For Christmas


    Red Peters recorded this awful Christmas song and I admit I listen to it every year…

    This is a song by Red Peters about ungrateful adult kids who stand up their parents for the Christmas holidays. How dare those kids have their own plans for Christmas, anyway? You can shove that fruitcake up your asses, kids.

    Holy Shit, It’s Christmas!


    Here’s an equally profane offering by Red Peters in which he is joined by a chorus of chipmunks… It’s chock full of double entendres.

    As I listen to this, it occurs to me that this is one of my favorite kinds of awful Christmas songs.

    Mr. Santa


    A take off of “Mr. Sandman” performed here by Amy Grant.

    Every time I play this song, my husband reminds me that the guys singing sound like the chorus on Bugs Bunny cartoons that go “We’re the boys in the chorus”. This is definitely a song about Christmas greed, though I guess I understand why it would be a popular sentiment among kids.

    Chipmunks Roasting on an Open Fire


    Another offering by Bob Rivers.

    All I gotta say is “sick”.

    There’s Something Stuck Up In The Chimney


    This song by Bob Rivers was introduced to me this morning and I have to say it qualifies as an awful Christmas song.

    Although we’ve often heard about Santa Claus coming down the chimney, in practice it’s a pretty stupid thing to do. Would be thieves and stalkers have tried it and gotten stuck. A few years ago, a doctor tried to stalk her ex boyfriend, got stuck in his chimney, and died. So there’s something to this awful Christmas song. Stay out of chimneys!

    The Chipmunk Song (Please Christmas Don’t Be Late)


    There’s something about this song that makes me grit my teeth…

    Alvin and the Chipmunks contribute this entry to awful Christmas songs with their high pitched, perfectly harmonized, highly irritating voices. Make it stop!

    Christmas Shoes


    Here’s a Christmas song about a little boy who buys shoes for his dying mother at Christmas…

    I know this song by NewSong is a tear jerker, but I think it’s probably one of the most awful Christmas songs I’ve ever heard. A little boy buys a pair of shoes so she’ll look beautiful in case she meets Jesus that night. I’m not sure I’d buy shoes as a means of looking beautiful, but hell… it’s supposed to be about the spirit of giving.

    Who Put The Dick On The Snowman?


    Rodney Carrington asks this very important question.

    Okay… this does make me giggle, but it’s not one of those songs you’d sing while caroling, right?

    Last Christmas


    This song is an 80s classic by Wham!

    As I started playing this song, my dog started whining as if to tell me to “make it stop”. This is a breakup song with a very 80s video to accompany it. I have to admit, this song belongs on my list of awful Christmas songs, but God help me, I still like it. It’s a little depressing, but hell, people can relate to it.

    Dear Mr. Jesus


    Technically, this is not really a Christmas song…

    “Dear Mr. Jesus” was recorded in 1985 by an evangelical Christian band called Power Source. Six year old Sharon Batts sang lead, but the song didn’t take off until Christmas 1987, when a radio station in Tampa, Florida played it. Back in November 1987, a little girl named Lisa Steinberg was beaten to death by her illegal adoptive father, Joel Steinberg. The song especially resonated with people who were saddened by Lisa Steinberg’s violent death and became a runaway hit. Since it became a hit in December 1987, it sort of sticks in my head as one of the most awful Christmas songs. I get the message, but jeez…

    Hope your holidays are coming along just fine! Have a great weekend, everybody!

  • The X Factor USA Recap: Season 3 – And Then There Were 6

    X Factor usa recap

    Sometimes, I’m pretty good at this.

    At the end of last week’s show, I predicted that Josh Levi and Carlito Olivero (who I always pick) would be the two going home. But my sleeper pick was Lillie McCloud. If this were an actual singing contest instead of a popularity contest, McCloud is a shoe-in for the final three and possibly wins. But that’s not what this is. Early on, her story was strong. She’s a grandmother who looks twenty years younger than her age who had a music dream that was lost and this was her comeback.

    I felt that they started to lose interest in her. Much of the voting on shows like this is heavily influenced by the production. It seemed like there was less and less attention to Lillie’s story. Was it by design? Who knows. But I do think that they started paying less attention to her and thus, because of it, one of the best voices on the show can go home very early in the ball game.

    It’s time for this week’s X Factor USA recap. Each act performed two songs so they could make sure to keep us in front of the TV for two hours like always. The first song was a diva song, which seemed to be there so that guys would have to perform powerful songs by female artists. The second, and better song for most, was the unplugged performance.

    Performances of the night

    It was yet another strong night, but I’ll keep it at my favorite two.

    My favorite performance of the night was by Rion Paige, who has taken this show by storm. Her first song was a Carrie Underwood cover and she made a lot of ugly faces in the performance. But her second song was Glass by Thompson Square. It was the perfect touch of emotion and vocals I’ve seen so far on this season. Tremendous.

    What was my second favorite performance? Well, I’m biased toward Sierra (and really, this groups should be called Sierra & Alex rather than Alex & Sierra), but this time, I didn’t have to be. I enjoyed both of their performances. They did Destiny’s Child’s Say My Name which was fun, but their second performance was mean. It’s a song I hadn’t heard of until today called Say Something by A Great Big World. Sierra went behind the piano and you could tell she was nervous and her hands were shaking. But she delivered, Alex brought the chops, and it was magnificent.

    Have I mentioned that Sierra is fine?

    Duds of the night

    Duds have been hard to find these days. I’d say the worst song choice was Ellona Santiago’s If I Were A Boy. The irony of that song is that if Beyonce were a boy, she’d be about 1/10th as famous as she is.

    I don’t mean to pick on Carlito Olivero, but Let’s Get Loud was probably the worst performance of the night.

    Who are the front runners?

    If I were to rank the competitors at this point, here’s how I’d rank them (with their Twitter handles if anyone cares):

    6. Carlito Olivero
    5. Restless Road
    4. Alex & Sierra
    3. Ellona Santiago
    2. Jeff Gutt
    1. Rion Page

    Alex and Sierra

    For the second week in a row, I’ve given them their own section. You can watch their performance that I described above:

    Have I mentioned that Sierra is fine?

    Who goes home?

    Two go home again. One of them has to be Carlito right? If he doesn’t go, I think the show is worse off next week. There’s another act that’s set to go home next week and while I think it should be Restless Road, I think their fans will save them. (By the way, I thoroughly enjoyed Emblem3 last year and haven’t yet looked forward to watching Restless Road.) I think it could be between Jeff and Ellona. I’ll say that Ellona goes home as a surprise.

  • Garfunkel and Oates…

    Garfunkel and Oates…

    I discovered Garfunkel and Oates the same way I discovered my husband… by hanging out in a place I’d least expect them to be.

    Just a warning, today’s post features songs with NSFW lyrics that may be very offensive to some folks… Proceed with caution.

    Some time ago, I was reading posts on the Recovery from Mormonism message board when someone posted a very funny video starring two lovely young singer-comediennes. Their act was called Garfunkel and Oates, after “two famous rock-and-roll second bananas”, Art Garfunkel and John Oates. Garfunkel and Oates are really Kate Micucci (Oates) and Riki Lindhome (Garfunkel), and they are quite an irreverent pair who will either offend or delight their audiences, depending on the mix.

    The very first song I ever heard these two woman sing was entitled “Pregnant Women are Smug”. The video for this song about annoying pregnant women was posted on the message board, a place where former Mormons gather to discuss their issues with the church and with organized religion in general. Though I am not myself a former Mormon, my husband is one. I have learned a lot about the LDS culture from interacting with some of the regular posters on that board and if there’s one thing Mormons are stereotypically known for, it’s having babies… and lots of them. So maybe it does make sense that someone in that group posted this video…


    This low tech rendition was the first one I saw…

    But then, I guess once their star started to rise, Garfunkel and Oates released this official video…


    If the lyrics weren’t potentially offensive enough, pairing them with this wacky video put the song over the top funny…

    I happened to post this on Facebook and one of my several friends who happens to be pregnant right now seemed to take offense. But I have to say, I think Garfunkel and Oates sort of have a point. On the other hand, I have never been pregnant myself, so what do I know? Besides, these women have such angelic voices and harmonize so beautifully.

    Some time later, another member of the message board posted yet another potentially offensive yet hilarious video by Garfunkel and Oates.


    “The Loophole” is an incredibly rude song about Christian girls who want to stay virginal, yet still want to have sex. They discover a “loophole” in the scriptures which allows them to have anal sex, which is not specifically prohibited in the Bible.

    Garfunkel and Oates take on lame parties with this next video for the song, “This Party Took Took a Turn for the Douche”. I’m not really a fan of the term “douche” to describe something that’s lame, mainly because a douche is really just a good cleaning. I can think of more accurate terms for stupid parties or people. I do admire the way these ladies rap, though.


    I can’t say I have experienced a party like this one… but then, I was never cool enough for parties, anyway.

    Perhaps a song that we can all get into is “Save the Rich”.


    Come on, you know the rich need saving, right?

    Actually, I am impressed by the commentary this song seems to have sparked on YouTube. While it’s meant to be a funny song, it makes a bold statement that gets people talking about the economy. While I can’t say the comments are always kept to a dignified standard, they do inspire thought which hopefully learns to education.

    Count me among those who enjoy Garfunkel and Oates’ brand of sharply profane wit. I don’t always agree with them, but I admire their ability to make statements with their shockingly funny songs. I see I’m not the only one who likes them, either. Their songs have been featured on Comedy Central, the television show, Scrubs, HBO’s Web site, and the IFC network.