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Tag: Paula Abdul

  • Idol Does Billboard Badly

    Anyone have a copy of Billboard from the last 20 years besides Young Katie Stevens who finally looked young?  With that lower register, she’ll never sound young, but at least she covered Fergie.   Tonight’s Top 11 sing-off was marred by some of the worst song choices imaginable and they had the entire Billboard #1 catalog to choose from. Amazingly, only Katie sang something recorded after the 1980s.

    Miley Cyrus
    This…is your surprise mentor

    If you watched,  vote now in the Sonic Spring Singing Contest.  We’ll open the poll in a new window so you can save your spot.  And remember–the winner gets a $25 Amazon gift certificate.

    Making the Top 12 is always big, but making the Top Ten means touring and learning  performing chops (sorry Alex Lambert) while making friends and alliances.  A beautiful formula with suspense cutting to the Top 12 and then again when Paige Andrew, no probably Paige, doesn’t go on tour.

    Here’s what happened.

    Lots of early vamping.  Idol is still in two hours slots, but the contestants are still only singing one song.  When the show gets interesting, we’re down to one hour, which is rush, rush, rush until the end of the season when we’re back to three or four people.  So the show starts with Ryan Seacrest who adlibs as well as anyone on television vamping madly.   Kara and Simon continue looking like a married couple, and you have to wonder when Ellen bops Simon for the scripted faux gay asides.

    Tonight’s BIG MENTOR REVEAL is… Miley Cyrus?

    She got hers later in the show from Casey James, and no, not like that because Hannah Montana is still only 17.  Dude told her he was a big fan of her father and his one hit.

    Lee Dewyze opens, a smart choice given the buzz.  Lee immediately puzzles everyone by singing an update of a 50 year old song.   And then he doesn’t sing it well.  He may have thought he was doing Springsteen.  He sounds hoarse-screechy and his body language is closed all the way up to his hunched forward shoulders.

    Paige Miles, the best pure singer, rushes and then hesitates through Phil Collins’ Against All Odds.  Then she sings it in several keys, sometimes in the same measure.  There is no denying Paige’s vocal prowess.  She’s in the Bottom Two for sure though.  Speaking of the Bottom Two, have you played Sonic Clash’s AI contest yet?  That’s the one from several paragraphs ago you may not have clicked on.

    Ryan makes me laugh with the segue of  “Under the tutelage of Miley Cyrus…”   before Tim Urban massacres Crazy Little Thing Called Love, complete with a slide to the audience, while he gladhands the teenyboppers and AI drones in front.  Every judge slams him for acting like a star instead of the guy who got picked up when one of the finalists was disqualified.  Sadly, he will likely tour.

    One guy belonging on the tour is Aaron Kelly.  This week is Aaron’s turn for laryngitis, which he blames on tonsillitis.  Holy Cow!  The judges love his Don’t Want To Miss A Thing, but he covered Lonestar’s song about a guy missing his family and now a song that two grown up acts had hits with in a very sensual tone.  This teen wants to be too old, but sadly only Simon even mentions how old Aaron’s choices make him sound.  Seacrest recovers by calling him David Archuleta, but eh..  Aaron could win this contest.  I called him a darkhorse in our annual American Idol podcast.  He can still make it to the fourth spot, maybe even third.

    How can Crystal Bowersox go wrong covering Janis Joplin?   She can’t, she doesn’t, the judges fawn and Ryan joins her sitting on her own little carpet on the stage.  Crystal is still top 3.  Kara compares her to Janis and Simon compares her to Pink. Can’t go wrong.

    Miley Cyrus looks more like a waif standing next to Big Mike Lynche who delivers a technically fine version of When A Man Loves A Woman complete with crystal clear falsetto.  Everyone thinks the choice is sound but safe.  Lynche hasn’t blown it yet, but the judges aren’t as impressed as they’ve been.

    Andrew Garcia perhaps alters the course of his career by singing Motown while his glasses slide off his nose and he prances in a jacket he stole from Kim Jong Il.  The North Korean leader didn’t ask for it back, but Simon Cowell rhetorically asks if everyone didn’t overestimate Garcia because of his catchy cover of Straight Up.  The others say the version was brilliant, but Simon is right back at them.  It wasn’t brilliant, says he.  It was catchy, quirky and had a Paula connection.  Damn if he isn’t right again.  Idol will miss him.  If Paige is voted off, Garcia joins the tour where he will sing Straight Up and several group numbers.  You can then catch him Thursdays and Fridays next year at the Van Nuys Ramada.

    Katie Stevens rocks out to some Fergie and doesn’t cry because she’s a big girl.  The judges love her.  I love her hearing a song recorded before the 1980s.  Katie looks young and relevant.

    Looking less relevant to me every week is Casey James who covers The Power of Love. Dude didn’t work it out, as Randy claimed, because the song was harmlessly dated when it was made famous 25 years ago as the theme for Back to the Future.  I would have preferred Michael J. Fox performing the song if I wanted nostalgia.   Casey goes on tour and then joins Ace Young working as a poolside bartender at a Sandals resort.

    Casey is Country Constantine(tm).

    Seacrest blows pronouncing Didi Benami’s name, which is okay because I just spelled it wrong twice. She sings yet another 70s song, and while she looks sharp in a tight skirt and black stockings, everyone agrees she appears to be playing  a character as she warbles You’re No Good.  I scream that it’s hokey cabaret and think she’ll be fine in the Houston company of the musical Chicago next year.

    After a commercial for Fox’s Human Target dissolves into Chi McBride looking bored in the AI audience, Ryan introduces The One Who Could Beat Crystal.  Yes, it’s Siobhan, known to GG fans as “crazygirl” and to CJ fans as “snaggletooth”.  I think she’s cute and a great performer.  She looks like a girl I know in 10th grade when she goes to meet Miley (love the big glasses!) and then looks like Peter Pan on stage.  She crushes Superstition as well as anyone not named Stevie Wonder and signs off with her trademark scream.  Simon suggests she open the next song with a scream and then sing to mix it up.

    I heart Siobhan.  I have for weeks.  I would buy a Crystal concert ticket, but I would buy a Siobhan ticket and an album.  What do you think?  Good show?  Bad show?  Who is in it to win it?

    Tune in to Sonic Clash tomorrow for GG’s wrap on the results show!  And once you’re done voting here (you did enter the contest, right?), check out our buddy Roheblius’ And Then There Were Eleven.

  • American Idol Hollywood Week – Straight Up

    The best audition from last night’s American Idol Hollywood Week show was from a guy named Andrew Garcia. He brilliantly flipped an old, ahem, Paula Abdul song and was the highlight of the night.

    Unfortunately for him, he had to sing it to new host Ellen DeGeneres rather than Paula herself. Paula might’ve cried large tears if she saw it live.

    Here’s Andrew Garcia’s rendition of Paula Abdul’s over 20 year old song, Straight Up:

  • 2009 American Music Awards Play By Play – West Coast Edition

    Since I’m on the West Coast, we’ll pretend this show is just starting.

    (By the way, Money Mike posted his own East Coast version up. It’s East Coast vs. West Coast all over again.)

    I remember as a kid when I used to count down the time until the AMAs were about to start. Now? Not so much. They don’t make award shows like they used to, but hopefully we’ll get some fun performances.

    I expect lots of Jay-Z love, lots of Michael Jackson love, lots of Taylor Swift love, and the opposite of lots of love for Kanye West.

    Like Arsenio used to say, “Let’s get busy!”

    Janet Jackson
    Janet Jackson
    – The show started with Janet already in mid-performance. She’s going through the old hits, though not wearing the old wardrobe. She’s wearing a brown outfit that makes her look like a baggy Pocahontas.

    – Who seated Mary J. Blige next to Carrie Underwood? I bet they could talk about old boyfriends.

    MJ: Girl, you think Tony Romo was bad? Man, I wanted to break K-Ci’s knee caps.
    CU: You dated KC from the Sunshine Band?
    MJ: Um, no. K-Ci from Jodeci. Forget it.

    – The only problem with Janet going through her old hits is that it just makes anything she’s done in the last 5 years look so bad in comparison.

    – Paula Abdul is the first presenter. No, she didn’t make any Ellen DeGeneres looks, acts, and sounds like a boy jokes, though you know she wanted to.

    – The Black Eyed Peas won the first award which was for favorite group in the pop/rock category. At least this time, Fergie’s face didn’t break the HD tuner on my TV like it did last week.

    (I DVRd Saturday Night Live last week and watched it after the fact. The picture was perfect until Fergie started to sing. The picture became pixelated and then was suddenly fixed when the performance was over. Coincidence? I think not.)

    – The only thing I can really say about Shakira’s performance is, “Oh my damn.”

    – Even though that long dress made her hips and legs look like a pair of parentheses ( ), Kelly Clarkson sung the hell out of We Were Never Meant To Say Goodbye.

    – Alex Rodriguez just introduced Jay-Z and Alicia Keys. I bet he and Timberland and Dr. Dre could talk PEDs for days.

    – Nope, not sick of Empire State Of Mind yet.

    – Kate Hudson is wearing a dress that shows off her 14-year old boyish chest. She could get away with going shirtless and I don’t think anyone would flip.

    – Oh man, I hope my TV can take it. The Black Eyed Peas are back on stage. Fergie Ferg ’bout to break my TV again.

    – Thankfully, my TV was fine. The performance was actually fine too. And she didn’t piss herself on stage, which is always a plus.

    – Your boy Michael Jackson won the award for favorite male artist in the Soul/R&B and you know who accepted it for him. If you answered greasy Jermaine, you were right. Also, you got to see his son Jermajesty, which was a treat in that of itself. I was almost sure that child didn’t really exist. But he did!

    – I know nothing about the Zack Brown band. But what I learned today is that some of those dudes have some manly beards.

    – Beyonce won an award and then it was announced that she wasn’t there. My heart rate has never been so up and down in a five second period ever in my life.

    – Hat makers thank Ne-Yo for keeping them in business.

    – Rihanna has the same haircut that David Silver rocked in the first season of Beverly Hills, 90210.

    – Carrie Underwood looks good and sounds good, but needs to stay off the salad. Yes, you can be too thin. She and Kate Hudson are trying to out-skinny each other.

    – Lady GaGa was carrying something in both of her back pockets, but she doesn’t have any pockets. Hmmm.

    – That Lady GaGa performance was just, um, it was just, um, hmm. If I tried to describe it, you wouldn’t understand and I’d just give myself nightmares. This is why YouTube was invented.

    – Not sure about you, but I can really do without these Perez Hilton audience shots.

    – Some country group called Gloriana just beat Lady GaGa for the Breakthrough Award. I think I saw GaGa walk off in a huff and fly away in her spaceship.

    – Ok, I think they edited this show for us on the West Coast. There’s supposed to be a part during J-Lo’s performance and she falls while performing. All I saw is that she jumped, all of a sudden it went into slow motion, and then jump cut city. Again, why YouTube was created.

    – You go Whitty. Do your thing. Somewhere, Bobby Brown gently weeps while shaving those lines into the side of his head.

    – I’m not sure Whitney did this on purpose or not, but she screamed, “I love YOU,” like Michael Jackson used to do it where you emphasize the “you”. I think that was a shout out to Mike.

    – Taylor just won award number two and she’s not even there. I think that if you don’t attend the show and you’re not in jail like TI, or you didn’t pass away before it was given out, you have to automatically give it to Kanye.

    – And just as I say that, MJ won for favorite male artist in Pop/Rock. Greasy is back on the scene to accept the award, but this time, sans Jermajesty.

    – Lady GaGa was breaking fake glass on her piano that was on fire. Alicia Keys just did her one better by playing her piano in mid air while it was spinning. Supposely GaGa saw that from her space ship and just went into hyper speed.

    – It’s pretty telling that Eminem decided to do his verse from Drake’s Forever since nearly everything on his album was garbage.

    – Timbo is now on stage and the back of his neck looks like a pack of hot dogs. But I’m not mad because he just let Nelly Furtado join him and she’s still looking foine.

    – There’s been a Toni Braxton sighting. Good to see her back and I hope she’s healthy. Jimmy Jackson and Jason Kidd just remembered why they hate each other.

    – My main man Ryan Seacrest is out to give out the Artist Of The Year.

    Let me run down the candidates quickly:

    Eminem – Relapse may be the worst album of the year.
    Michael Jackson – Dude sold more records dead than anyone alive is selling this year, except probably Taylor Swift. Also took all the buzz away from the Beatles re-releases.
    Kings Of Leon – My friend Christal had to show me their video the other day. I’d never seen it before. Enough said.
    Lady GaGa – She’s too far ahead of her time. Like by maybe 500 years.
    Taylor Swift – I don’t have a Taylor Swift song in my music library, but she was pretty fun on Saturday Night Live.

    And Taylor Swift beats MJ. Ok, maybe she wasn’t that fun on Saturday Night Live. And she talks like Drew Barrymore.

    – Adam Lambert is closing the show. However, I don’t think he’s closing it out Mariano Rivera style.

    – I wonder if I can get my hair as high as Adam’s. That might be a 2010 goal for me.

    – Wait, is Adam Lambert gay?


    Photo of Janet from Wikipedia and shared through creative commons