Is it just me or…is Baby By Me the greatest Ne-Yo song ever, until 50 Cent comes in and then it becomes the worst 50 Cent song ever? First it’s her neck, yeah then her back
Yeah I’m a freak, I get into all that
Girl I perform for ya, like a porno star
Till ya had enough then I just need a little bit more
Yep, the dude has to bite a Khia song these days.
Is it just me or…does Lady GaGa need to throw the New Kids On The Block a bone?
The first time I ever heard of Lady GaGa was on the terrible Big Girl Now cut on the New Kids latest album The Block. She was even on their comeback tour. Then she blows up. How about getting the Boston boys on a track and releasing it as a single GaGa? How about having them join you on your burning piano? Throw the dudes a bone! NKOTB
Speaking of things related to the New Kids, is it just me or should Mark Walhberg stop pretending that he wasn’t a white-boy rapper in the 90s named Marky Mark?
And to even take it a step beyond, I think he should make a comeback. Since he’d never do it without pretending that it wasn’t him, I say we take it to the next level. How about he raps with a luchador mask on and comes out as MC Invincible, which was the name of one of his films? Ok, fine, I know that’s just me.
Is it just me or should Kris Allen have marketed himself as the anti-Glambert?
Since Lambert decided to go way over the top as a drama queen in marketing his album, couldn’t Allen have just done the opposite and reached out to all the people who were just disgusted with Lambert? I would’ve looked at all the markets that did the lowest TV ratings for Lambert’s set on the American Music Awards and immediately booked concerts in those areas and called myself Kris “No Nail Polish And Make-Up” Allen.
Is it just me or is Beyonce the hottest thing in the world until she starts performing and makes mugs that make her eyes bulge out?
If you don’t believe, you only need click here. I have no idea why she feels the need to make that face over and over again during her concerts. And to add to that, if you take Jay-Z’s mean mug when he throws down his B-boy stance, you have the muggin’est couple in music.
Since I’m on the West Coast, we’ll pretend this show is just starting.
(By the way, Money Mike posted his own East Coast version up. It’s East Coast vs. West Coast all over again.)
I remember as a kid when I used to count down the time until the AMAs were about to start. Now? Not so much. They don’t make award shows like they used to, but hopefully we’ll get some fun performances.
I expect lots of Jay-Z love, lots of Michael Jackson love, lots of Taylor Swift love, and the opposite of lots of love for Kanye West.
Like Arsenio used to say, “Let’s get busy!”
Janet Jackson– The show started with Janet already in mid-performance. She’s going through the old hits, though not wearing the old wardrobe. She’s wearing a brown outfit that makes her look like a baggy Pocahontas.
– Who seated Mary J. Blige next to Carrie Underwood? I bet they could talk about old boyfriends.
MJ: Girl, you think Tony Romo was bad? Man, I wanted to break K-Ci’s knee caps.
CU: You dated KC from the Sunshine Band?
MJ: Um, no. K-Ci from Jodeci. Forget it.
– The only problem with Janet going through her old hits is that it just makes anything she’s done in the last 5 years look so bad in comparison.
– Paula Abdul is the first presenter. No, she didn’t make any Ellen DeGeneres looks, acts, and sounds like a boy jokes, though you know she wanted to.
– The Black Eyed Peas won the first award which was for favorite group in the pop/rock category. At least this time, Fergie’s face didn’t break the HD tuner on my TV like it did last week.
(I DVRd Saturday Night Live last week and watched it after the fact. The picture was perfect until Fergie started to sing. The picture became pixelated and then was suddenly fixed when the performance was over. Coincidence? I think not.)
– The only thing I can really say about Shakira’s performance is, “Oh my damn.”
– Even though that long dress made her hips and legs look like a pair of parentheses ( ), Kelly Clarkson sung the hell out of We Were Never Meant To Say Goodbye.
– Alex Rodriguez just introduced Jay-Z and Alicia Keys. I bet he and Timberland and Dr. Dre could talk PEDs for days.
– Nope, not sick of Empire State Of Mind yet.
– Kate Hudson is wearing a dress that shows off her 14-year old boyish chest. She could get away with going shirtless and I don’t think anyone would flip.
– Oh man, I hope my TV can take it. The Black Eyed Peas are back on stage. Fergie Ferg ’bout to break my TV again.
– Thankfully, my TV was fine. The performance was actually fine too. And she didn’t piss herself on stage, which is always a plus.
– Your boy Michael Jackson won the award for favorite male artist in the Soul/R&B and you know who accepted it for him. If you answered greasy Jermaine, you were right. Also, you got to see his son Jermajesty, which was a treat in that of itself. I was almost sure that child didn’t really exist. But he did!
– I know nothing about the Zack Brown band. But what I learned today is that some of those dudes have some manly beards.
– Beyonce won an award and then it was announced that she wasn’t there. My heart rate has never been so up and down in a five second period ever in my life.
– Hat makers thank Ne-Yo for keeping them in business.
– Rihanna has the same haircut that David Silver rocked in the first season of Beverly Hills, 90210.
– Carrie Underwood looks good and sounds good, but needs to stay off the salad. Yes, you can be too thin. She and Kate Hudson are trying to out-skinny each other.
– Lady GaGa was carrying something in both of her back pockets, but she doesn’t have any pockets. Hmmm.
– That Lady GaGa performance was just, um, it was just, um, hmm. If I tried to describe it, you wouldn’t understand and I’d just give myself nightmares. This is why YouTube was invented.
– Not sure about you, but I can really do without these Perez Hilton audience shots.
– Some country group called Gloriana just beat Lady GaGa for the Breakthrough Award. I think I saw GaGa walk off in a huff and fly away in her spaceship.
– Ok, I think they edited this show for us on the West Coast. There’s supposed to be a part during J-Lo’s performance and she falls while performing. All I saw is that she jumped, all of a sudden it went into slow motion, and then jump cut city. Again, why YouTube was created.
– You go Whitty. Do your thing. Somewhere, Bobby Brown gently weeps while shaving those lines into the side of his head.
– I’m not sure Whitney did this on purpose or not, but she screamed, “I love YOU,” like Michael Jackson used to do it where you emphasize the “you”. I think that was a shout out to Mike.
– Taylor just won award number two and she’s not even there. I think that if you don’t attend the show and you’re not in jail like TI, or you didn’t pass away before it was given out, you have to automatically give it to Kanye.
– And just as I say that, MJ won for favorite male artist in Pop/Rock. Greasy is back on the scene to accept the award, but this time, sans Jermajesty.
– Lady GaGa was breaking fake glass on her piano that was on fire. Alicia Keys just did her one better by playing her piano in mid air while it was spinning. Supposely GaGa saw that from her space ship and just went into hyper speed.
– It’s pretty telling that Eminem decided to do his verse from Drake’s Forever since nearly everything on his album was garbage.
– Timbo is now on stage and the back of his neck looks like a pack of hot dogs. But I’m not mad because he just let Nelly Furtado join him and she’s still looking foine.
– There’s been a Toni Braxton sighting. Good to see her back and I hope she’s healthy. Jimmy Jackson and Jason Kidd just remembered why they hate each other.
– My main man Ryan Seacrest is out to give out the Artist Of The Year.
Let me run down the candidates quickly:
Eminem – Relapse may be the worst album of the year.
Michael Jackson – Dude sold more records dead than anyone alive is selling this year, except probably Taylor Swift. Also took all the buzz away from the Beatles re-releases.
Kings Of Leon – My friend Christal had to show me their video the other day. I’d never seen it before. Enough said.
Lady GaGa – She’s too far ahead of her time. Like by maybe 500 years.
Taylor Swift – I don’t have a Taylor Swift song in my music library, but she was pretty fun on Saturday Night Live.
And Taylor Swift beats MJ. Ok, maybe she wasn’t that fun on Saturday Night Live. And she talks like Drew Barrymore.
– Adam Lambert is closing the show. However, I don’t think he’s closing it out Mariano Rivera style.
– I wonder if I can get my hair as high as Adam’s. That might be a 2010 goal for me.
Money Mike usually live blogs the BET Awards, but with the passing of Michael Jackson, he’s not in the mood to try and be fun. Thus, I’m taking the reigns for him this year. Being on the West Coast, I can’t blog it live, but I’ll give you my own play by play.
The show opens with footage from a previous BET Awards where Michael Jackson and James Brown were on stage together.
– New Edition opens the show with their Jackson 5 tribute. They even busted out the Stop The Love You Save! dance. I’ll give them an A for effort. My friend asked me which one was Bobby Brown, and I immediately said, “The fat one.” Bobby’s definitely eating good these days.
– Jamie Foxx is hosting and he came out in the red leather jacket and the 3 inches too short slacks. He tried to do some MJ dancing, but he must not have had time to practice. He did much better with his broham Braxton on “The Jamie Foxx Show”.
– Tyra Banks walked down the stage in some heels that made her look like she could post up Shaq. After giving out the “Best Male Hip-Hop Artist” award to Lil’ Wayne, she had to get on her knees just to give him a hug.
– You know, people are ready to give Usher the torch as the next closest thing to MJ, but I think you may have to look at my boy Ne-Yo. His vocals are far more similar to MJ’s. If only he didn’t look more like a young Samuel L. Jackson.
– Sorry y’all, brother has a head that was made for hats. I heard that Barry Bonds looked at Ne-Yo and said, “Damn, he has a big ass head.”
– (He tore up Lady In My Life.)
– They showed Joseph Jackson in the crowd and all I could think of was, “Joe stop beatin’ the kids.” Damn that Jackson’s American Family movie.
– I’m going to guess that Kanye West’s girl was a big headed baby. She also has a head that was made for hats. If she and Ne-Yo had a baby, they’d test that kid for HGH out of the womb.
– Jamie Foxx is singing Blame It and all of a sudden and for no reason whatsoever, Snoop Dogg joined him. I don’t think anyone Snoop hangs out with blames it on the alcohol. They blame it on something else. Also, I wonder if T-Pain knows that you can’t kick in judo. I guess he couldn’t find anything to rhyme with karate.
– Does anyone really care about what Tiny and Toya are doing these days? I mean, it sucks that y’all got kicked out of Destiny’s Child, but you probably deserved it. Be happy that Beyonce’s daddy just kicked you out of the group. If Joe Jackson was your manager, he would’ve told you to get a switch off the tree and take it like a man.
– In Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em’s song, he sings, “I gotta question, why they hatin’ on me?” Well, I gotta answer for you bruh. You’re terrible.
– Here’s a quote from T-Pain: “He pretty much said everybody I was gonna say.” That dude can mangle some English.
– Ne-Yo won for “Best Male R&B Artist”. If you haven’t heard Year Of The Gentleman, go get that record. It was my favorite record of 2008.
– Beyonce’s on the stage singing Ave Maria. I’m trying to decide if she’s supplanted Trish Stratus as the number one girl on my list. I think the only thing that stops her from being number one is that I know in 10 years, that junk in her trunk might become junk in a caboose.
– Ok, I made a mistake. Tiny and Toya aren’t former Destiny’s Child members. I must’ve had something in my eye when I mistook them the first time. They’re former hook-ups of TI and Lil’ Wayne. Yep, these days that’s all it takes to get your own reality show. If Florida Evans was still alive, she’d say, “Damn, damn, damn!”
– Jamie introduced a skit for a fake movie with he and Martin Lawrence starring as Shenehneh and Wanda as bank robbers. What does it say about me that I would see that on the first day it came out?
– When artists say that they didn’t prepare a speech because they didn’t expect to win, I just want to go oops upside their head. How long can it take to put together five names that you want to remember? Or is it just cool to act humble, yet unprepared?
– Ok, I’m not gonna lie. It still hasn’t hit me that MJ is gone. This just seems like every other kind of BET Awards show where people give MJ props.
– For some reason, Keith Sweat is on the stage. Keith looks really exceptionally good for being 100 years old.
– It must be New Jack Swing night as Guy just stepped on the stage. My man Aaron Hall can still bring it.
– Now it’s BBD’s turn. They’re performing Poison. That used to be my go to song when I was 14 until my dad told me that it probably wasn’t a good idea to sing the lyric, “Me and the crew used to do her,” out loud.
– I do follow their advice until this day though. Never trust a big butt and a smile.
– Was that Ciara singing Heal The World? The dude did a pretty good job.
– Beyonce is up for “Best Female R&B Artist” against the likes of Jennifer Hudson, Keyshia Coles, Jazmine Sullivan, and Keri Hilson. When she wins, she better not say that she didn’t have anything prepared. She should’ve started writing her speech the second the nominations were announced.
– I wonder if when Jay-Z starts with, “This is death of Autotune, a moment of silence,” T-Pain and everyone he’s currently working with just start shedding tears.
– Day26 introduced Don Cornelius and Q got through the intro without saying, “This is real talk,” or popping all the veins in his neck.
– Don just said that Joe Jackson was one of his heroes. There are about 5,000 jokes to be written on that line alone and I’m not touching it.
– Holy (choose your favorite curse word here)! Tevin Campbell is on stage for the O’Jays tribute. That dude needs a comeback record like yesterday.
– Tyrese is also out singing in the tribute and he didn’t randomly insert the words, “LA Lakers” into the lyrics. Nice job Tyrese.
– Tiny is accepting an award for TI. This is the only reason I’m thankful that this show isn’t in HD. She’s not a handsome woman.
– Janet Jackson is a brave woman for being on this show tonight.
– Now it’s time for the MJ tribute. I’m all for Jamie singing I’ll Be There, but couldn’t they have brought out Mariah for this one?
I hope I was able to play it off well enough. As tough as it was to watch all these tribute performances, it was still fun to see everyone big up Mike.
I’m not sure there’d be a BET if not for Michael Jackson. Peace!
