Money Mike disappears before the Grammy prediction show. Could he be the guy Chris Brown is taking the fall for?
Double G takes on Jessica Simpson with some interesting comments on what Jessica is most famous for today. “Her singing career has gone down the toilet,” mused GG, dissing her country-pop style. He even leaves Dallas Cowboys QB Tony Romo holding the bag (so to speak) after Nick Simpson. That’s Jessica (left) in March 2008 visiting U.S. troops in Kuwait, which ain’t all bad.
The dissing continues with Bruce Springstreen’s crotch shot at the Super Bowl halftime show and morphs into a great explanation of why The Boss is ticked at Ticketmaster.
So Mike and I are watching the Grammys together (well, cyber-together at least) tonight and blogging as we go. And away we go…
U2 open up the show with their new single “Get On Your Boots”… a very chaotic performance of a song that I’m not entirely sold on yet. I’m totally not sold on Bono’s new dance moves either. Or Larry Mullen’s goth black hair.
Oh my gawd, Whitney Houston is making Britney Spears look well-adjusted.  Her poor voice… ugh, she’s hard to look at.
Go Jennifer Hudson. I didn’t have a clear favorite in the best R&B album category (Al Green would have been my personal pick, but his is the only one of the nominees I’ve really heard). But I’m glad that Jennifer got this.
Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson… newly minted karaoke star (I think his brief rendition of “Just the Way You Are” was better than Billy Joel). Opens with a corny anagram.  Not promising.
Boyz II Men, Keith Urban, Al Green and Justin…  I’m digging the deeper-voiced Al Green. Still sexy. I’m loving this whole number – it’s unadulterated joy. U2 is distant memory.
So, as we hit the first commercial break, we learn the following: Whitney is off the crack but still crack-ish, U2’s new single sounds almost exactly like “Vertigo”, and about 700 babies were conceived during the Al Green performance. We can now move on…
Is this show going to be a big giant plug for CBS? What does Simon Baker have to do with music?
When did Chris Martin become a solo artist? Oops…never mind…here’s the rest of the band.
Someone should tell Chris that no one wants to see his treasure trail. Someone should also tell him to take dance lessons. Then someone should tell Jay-Z to get a haircut.
Sorry, folks. Carrie Underwood is totally anonymous to me. She might as well be Faith Hill. Something tells me, however, that Faith would take exception to that.
Here’s a country award, which goes to Sugarland. Paul, have you listened to these guys before? I have nothing to say, except the guy in the group is kinda hot.
Paul here:  Mike, I love Sugarland… their cover of “Life in a Northern Town” was one of the highlights of my year last year.   I’m with you on Carrie Underwood. “Last Name” sounds like it’s about 3 years old now – actually when it started, I thought she was playing that… other song she did, like 3 years ago. What the hell was it? (Mike: “Before He Cheats”)  But Carrie Underwood’s guitarist looked to Carrie Underwood’s 80s hair metal doppelganger, and the two of them standing side by side as they wailed at the end was sort of interesting. (The Sugarland guy IS hot)
Coldplay was sort of fun to watch… like U2 circa 1982.
Congratulations Gene Autry and Brenda Lee… but Grammy’s got better things to do.  Moving on…
Al Green and Duffy harmonizing a capella at the microphone. Al Green should release a new record every year just so that he can be on the Grammys some more.
It’s hard to argue with Coldplay’s “Viva La Vida” winning Song of the Year.  Chris Martin proving refreshingly taciturn.
Did Kid Rock finish his community service yet? Does singing “Amen” count for it? I hate “Sweet Home Alabama”, but I love Kid Rock’s song about it (“All Summer Long”), and I wish he just would have stuck with it instead of doing this trio of “American Idol” style snippets. It just never got off the ground for me, where a good all-star rave-up of “All Summer Long” would have been awesome.
Mike! Look! Sugarland are going to play later on. Prepare your bib.
Mike’s back. I’ll just borrow the bib that Jennifer Hudson is wearing.
WTF is Miley Cyrus doing on the Grammy Awards? Although it seems as though she’s already mastered the “O” face.
Robert Plant & Alison Krauss win Best Pop Collaboration with Vocals. I called that one. I wonder what they would have said if Chris Brown had won. “We’re sorry, but Chris Brown beat up some chick and couldn’t make it to the show tonight”.
Jenny Hud is back in a much better looking dress. Damn, that girl has some pipes on her.
Paul here:   There is just a lot of really, really bad white boy dancing going on tonight. And Stevie Wonder seriously deserves better than to be upstaged by the Jonas Brothers… who need to learn to shut up while Stevie’s singing. And who need to spend a little time with the lyric sheet before they take on a song like “Superstition”.  What did Simon Cowell say about “forgetting the words” this week?   This performance just leaves me feeling a little… well, okay yeah, pissed off.
Oooooh, Blink 182 – together again!  Oooooh, Coldplay wins again! Chris Martin – not as taciturn. Effusive, in fact. But still sincere, and far more likable than I’d imagined he would be.
A couple other things: Taylor Swift looks like a gelfling. There. I’ve said it.  And she and Miley don’t blend.
Jennifer Hudson is my hero tonight. Simple. Elegant. Classy. The one person with the most legitimate excuse for drama, and she comes off both powerful and humble. And damn, she can sing. She didn’t need the choir. In fact, I wish they would have left the choir home.
Mike’s back. Paul…what’s a gelfing?
I vote for Craig Ferguson to host next year.
Dear Katy Perry. P!nk called.She wants her schtick back.
I kissed a boy and I liked it. Do I get to perform on the Grammy Awards?
Kanye West appears, apparently having stolen Michael Jackson’s look circa 1981.
Oh that Kanye. He so crazy!!!
The Jonas Brothers lost Best New Artist because Adele ate them. Oh, and then she dissed them!!!!!! I love Adele!!
Latifah’s introducing Jay, Kanye, Wayne and T.I….this should be good.
The sound is awful. These guys are rappers-shouldn’t some body be kicking the sound man’s ass?
Didn’t someone perform “I Saw Her Standing There” on the Grammys just a couple of years ago? (answer: yes. Dave Matthews and several others did…I think it might have been a Beatles tribute performance)
My friend Marc: “Doesn’t Michael Jackson still own this song?”. Why, yes, he does!
Paul here: Adele not only ate the Jonas Brothers – she liked them. I’m really into Katy Perry right now, but she sounded a little out of breath.  Also, I’m just really so excited that Cathy Dennis has done so well for herself as a songwriter.
Mike, you’re right. The sound during the “hip hop summit” was godawful (actually, the sound throughout the show has been pretty sucky), and the whole thing ended up sounding like nothing but a shouting match – and maybe that’s sorta what it was supposed to be, but then that’s kind of an aberration of the word “summit”. That said: holy pregnant M.I.A. belly!
Gelflings:
Don’t tell me you’ve never seen “The Dark Crystal”…
Actually, I thought Kanye looked like one of the guys from Ready For the World.
Is someone aiming a laser-pointer at Sugarland? God, I love this woman’s voice.
I keep expecting Adele to start singing “Situation”.
I was sure that Morgan Freeman was introducing Neil Diamond. Imagine my disappointment. I still haven’t entirely forgiven Kenny Chesney for the summer that I couldn’t go into a karaoke bar without hearing a really drunken version of “She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy”.  Also, I have a hard time picturing Kenny and Morgan hanging out together. What do they talk about?  Any ideas, Mike?
Paul, are you trying to lead me into a joke that I don’t want to make? Actually, when I saw Morgan Freeman, I remembered how happy I was that “The Electric Company” is back on TV.
The USC Marching Band is joining Radiohead on stage. Somewhere, Lindsey Buckingham and Stevie Nicks are sitting somewhere saying “but didn’t we…?”
Gwyneth Paltrow has two babies and still doesn’t have titties.
Thom Yorke and Chris Martin obviously graduated from the same dancing school.
Holy Quick Commercials Batman! It’s back to you, Paul.
(and I keep wanting to say “But Paul, I think I told you. I’m a lover, not a fighter”).
OK, I’ll admit: I really like that T.I./Timberlake song
Do we really need Neil Diamond singing “Sweet Caroline”?
God, I just felt like I was at a Sox game.
Here’s the deceased folks tribute. Nothing snarky to say here.
BB King and co. are going off on the guitar tribute to Bo Diddley. Good stuff.
(OK, I think we’ve officially lost count of who goes where).
Yet another CBS crossover with Gary Sinise performing. Next, the cast of “How I Met Your Mother”.
OK…why isn’t Robin Thicke as popular as Justin Timberlake?
Damn it, I need to go down to N.O. one year. Mardi Gras, here I come?
Hip-hop is holding it down this year, folks.
It’s Rap music’s Talentless Twins: T-Pain and will.i.ain’t
Lil Wayne, to no one’s suprise, wins Rap Album of the Year and delivers a fairly succinct speech. As much of a critic of modern-day rap music as I am, I gotta say that we redeemed ourselves nicely this year.
Zoe Deschanel sings?
Plant and Krauss are performing…unless Plant jumps into “The Crunge”, I’ll only be sort of playing attention.
They also win Album of the Year-entirely predictable…
And the ceremony is over! Paul, any closing thoughts?
I actually liked that Robert Plant was so into talking about the process of creating “Raising Sand” in all of his acceptance speeches, but as usual, I hate Grammy’s pick for Album of the Year. “Raising Sand” is a fine record, but I don’t think it was the definitive “Album of the Year”.  It should have gone to either Lil Wayne or Coldplay.
Thanks Mike for riding this out with me.  It’s been fun!
These are for all the marbles, boys and girls. Grammy’s four major categories are the ones every artist dreams of winning. Even Best New Artist, which portends a solid future as an artist despite the legend of the Best New Artist “curse” (tell that to Christina Aguilera, Mariah Carey, Maroon 5 or John Legend). Here are the nominees in the four “big” categories.
Record of the Year: “Chasing Pavements” (Adele)/”Viva La Vida” (Coldplay)/”Bleeding Love” (Leona Lewis)/”Paper Planes” (M.I.A.)/”Please Read the Letter” (Robert Plant & Allison Krauss)
Will Win: Coldplay
Should Win: M.I.A.
Coldplay is almost certain to pull off an Amy Winehouse-like near-sweep this year, as “Viva La Vida” will win nearly every award it’s nominated for. The elderly voting bloc of Grammy voters could potentially pull out an upset for Plant & Krauss, and Clive Davis could get a win for his latest protege Leona Lewis, but I think this one goes to Chris Martin and co. Hey, did anyone realize this category is all Brits? What does that say about the status of American music? And how cool is it gonna be to see a very pregnant M.I.A. sashay across the stage to perform “Paper Planes”?
Album of the Year: “Viva La Vida or Death & All His Friends” (Coldplay)/”Tha Carter III” (Lil Wayne)/”Year of the Gentleman” (Ne-Yo)/”Raising Sand” (Robert Plant & Allison Krauss)/”In Rainbows” (Radiohead)
Will Win: Plant & Krauss
Should Win: Radiohead
Ne-Yo’s nomination itself was a shocker, so he doesn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of winning. Despite Weezy’s having the biggest-selling album of 2008, Grammy does not acknowledge hardcore rap in its’ main categories (remember “The Marshall Mathers LP” losing to Steely Dan back in ’01?), so that leaves Radiohead (whose win would be the biggest music-industry “fuck you” ever), Coldplay, and Plant & Krauss, who will most likely snatch this award up, given the Grammy folks’ penchant for a) honoring folks at the twilight of their careers and b) honoring legends late in their careers who’ve completely gotten the shaft in their original, legendary incarnations. Keep in mind that Led Zeppelin never won a Grammy. This is payback time for Plant.
Song of the Year: “American Boy” (Estelle feat. Kanye West)/”Chasing Pavements” (Adele)/”I’m Yours” (Jason Mraz)/”Love Song” (Sara Bareilles)/”Viva La Vida” (Coldplay)
Will Win: Coldplay
Should Win: Adele
The Bareilles song is a little too jingle-happy for my taste, so I count it out simply by virtue of me not liking it. The Mraz song is also a bit featherweight, and…why am I explaining all of this? Coldplay wins again, although the awfully pretty “Chasing Pavements” would be a better choice.
Best New Artist: Adele/Duffy/Jonas Brothers/Lady Antebellum/Jazmine Sullivan
Will Win: Jonas Brothers
Should Win: This is not a very strong category.
Um…where’s Leona Lewis? Sara Bareilles? Estelle? OneRepublic? All of these artists were left off in favor of on-their-third-album-so-hardly-new-artists The Jonas Brothers? Gimme a fuckin’ break. If there’s anything that convinces me more that The Grammys are rigged, it’s this category. The JoBros will win simply by virtue of no one having heard of anyone else in the category!
And like Porky the Pig said, that’s all folks! Stay tuned later tonight for SonicClash’s liveblog of the Grammy Awards and you can also see whether my predictions were right! Enjoy the show!!
