To show you how much I’ve been keeping up with this stuff, the only thing I knew about this show before hand was that Jimmy Kimmel was hosting. Hopefully there will be an Adam Corolla appearance.
- They just announced that Fergie was the hottest female pop star. That Fergalicious got me suspicious, check it out.
- It’s not Thanksgiving, but I’m thankful that I don’t have HD yet. I bet Fergie is even scarier in HD.
- Actually, I’m probably just as thankful that I don’t have a stereo receiver, because she’s singing Big Girls Don’t Cry live. She misses me like a child misses his blanket.
- Now it’s will.i.am’s turn and the crowd goes completely quiet. Dude, you have to sell more than a handful of your solo record to be solo on this show.
- The dude is trying to be James Brown and maybe if James were drunk, or had half of a right leg, he’d come close.
- Nicole Schwarchenegger is out next and she could be naked on stage and I wouldn’t care because I’ve pretty much seen everything in that Blender spread. And I don’t like the song very much.
- Now that was as flat an opening as I’ve ever seen.
- I just found out that Souja Boy is on this show. Someone needs to kick his ass.
- Speaking of Soulja Boy, he just did the Soulja Boy dance with Jimmy Kimmel, Jordin Sparks, and Kelly Pickler. I just heard the words, “Superman that ho” on the Disney owned ABC. They should be ashamed of themselves.
- Carrie Underwood is giving out the Best New Artist award, but before she gives it out, she claims that Tony Romo had a minuscule penis and kissed like a walrus.
- Daughtry wins by the way.
- That boy band, Rascal Flatts is performing tonight as well. I mean, that country group.
- The single greatest man on earth just took the stage. His name is Ryno Seacrest.
- Adam Levine has a great voice, but if you were to point to one guy who would be proof that white guys shouldn’t shave their heads, you’d point at him.
- Ashanti (remember her?) just presented the Male R&B award, which Akon won, and he said that T-Pain deserves this “reward”.
- Some young cats named the Jonas Brothers are out (and the lead singer bailed trying to get to the mic). Ah, I remember them from about 15 years ago when they had blond hair and were called Hanson.
- They introduced someone presenting as a, “number one rapper from Brooklyn” and nope, it wasn’t Jay-Z. It was FABO. I’d call that trickery.
- Beyonce is in the audience. The Dreamgirls Soundtrack better win the soundtrack of the year. Dammit! High School Musical 2 just won. Maybe Beyonce can float some naked Vanessa Hudgens pictures out there. Wait, she already did that?
- I really hate it that Rihanna loves Ne-Yo too.
- Carrie Underwood just won the award for Best Female Country Artist, but this time, Faith Hill wasn’t around to give her the gas face.
- I wonder how much they paid Beyonce to sing Irreplaceable with Sugarland? Especially the honky tonk version?
- You know it’s a popularity contest when Daughtry beats out John Mayer in any sort of category.
- I’m not surprised to see that Celine Dion is out here singing live. She knows she has a record to sell. But why is Lenny Kravitz out there singing live? When’s his record coming out? And where’s Denise Huxtable?
- Who knew that Sean Kingston was really Keenan from Keenan and Kel?
- Dancing With The Stars has really turned the clock back on Kelly Taylor. The woman looks almost fantastic enough to be married to Brandon Walsh now.
- I’m the biggest MJ fan in the world, and I can still give Chris Brown props for his dancing. Now he just has to get that making songs that people want to hear part down.
- Will Miley Ray Cyrus ever be able to be anything but Hannah Montana?
- Carrie Underwood just won the very prestigious T-Mobile Text-In Award. I mean, I think Elvis Presley won that one back in ‘65.
- Did Daughtry win again? I don’t think he’s thanked Randy or Paula yet.
- It’s reggae night with Alicia Keys!
I Don’t Worry ‘Cause Everything Is Gonna Be Alright
- Carrie Underwood is cleaning up tonight. Tony Romo is in the locker room, staring at Terrell Owens’ naked backside. I wonder who’s having the better night?
- Usher just presented Beyonce with the International Artist Award. Well, that’s what got her up there to perform with Sugarland.
- You know, Mary J. Blige is blatantly stealing from Off The Wall era Michael Jackson with her new song Doin’ Fine, but you won’t find MJ in those stunna shades. Maybe that shade of lipstick though.
- In 2007, how can Bone Thugs-N-Harmony win any sort of award? And more importantly, how can an award where Pretty Ricky and the Shop Boyz are also up for the same award, get on the television broadcast? You’d think that one gets presented right after Kirk Franklin wins his award that they gave out at the morning breakfast buffet.
- You know that pop music sucks when Queen Latifah sounds ten times better live than Fergie, and the Queen wasn’t rapping.
- Uh oh. Jay-Z’s in trouble. Rihanna just beat out Beyonce for Best Female R&B. And Rihanna thanked Jay, while Beyonce didn’t. Hmmmm.
- Daughtry has the best selling album of 2007? Jeez, and here I thought it was Bone Thugs-N-Harmony.
- I can actually fast forward through their performance because I only heard it at the end of every single elimination episode of American Idol. Where’s Daniel Powter when you need him? Having a bad day?
- Fergie didn’t win an award all night that didn’t have to do with her having a resemblance to a toothy animal, and she wins the big one for the females. And she even thanked Tad Hamilton.
- Nope, no Adam Corolla tonight.