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Tag: Fantasia

  • American Idol Season 9 – Who Makes The Top 3?

    Last night was a pitiful show for the top four contestants. Jamie Foxx was dying to give away his ARTIST shirts, but they all looked like CONTESTANTS, except for Crystal Bowersox. I know, I know, the duets were good, but those don’t really count. They don’t even get graded on those.

    And what’s with Simon telling Crystal that she’s back in the running? Hasn’t she been the wire-to-wire leader all season long?

    Do you remember that old Sesame Street song that went, “One of these things is not like the other?” Someone needs to sing that song to Casey James. Talk about overstaying your welcome.

    My favorite American Idol winner ever, Fantasia is on stage singing Bittersweet. They shouldn’t have let her on the stage. She sings with more emotion in her fake eyelashes than any current season 9 contestant sings with in their entire body.

    It’s time to dim the lights. Ryno has the parents sitting to his left and the contestants on center stage.

    In the “Somebody Up There Likes Me” category, Casey James is in the top three. I feel so badly for Big Mike. In no universe is Casey James a better singer than Mike, and he’s going further in the competition. Well, Daughtry was kicked out several years ago this week too.

    Speaking of Daughtry (how’d you like that segue?), they’re on stage now performing September. I think this performance is foreshadowing for Big Mike’s exit after this show is over.

    Daughtry has the worst goatee I’ve ever seen in my life. He’s bald and has his beard growing from where his sideburns would be all the way to the other side of his face. Then, he has the normal goatee running over and on the side of his lips, but it’s not as thick. He must’ve been bored and figured that he’s so famous now, he can wear his facial hair in any ridiculous manner and people would think it’s a fashion statement.

    Back to dimming the lights, Lee is safe. I’m telling you, Big Mike is a big goner.

    Bon Jovi is on stage and if I ever have to feather my hair like that to look cool, someone just please shoot me. That’s not to say dude’s not cool, because he’s one of the few guys going today who can feather his hair and get away with it, but if I were him, I’d go Daughtry style and shave it all off. Be a maverick Jon!

    Lee tried to explain why it’s good to be safe and bad to not be safe and he almost swallowed his own face by talking so fast.

    And the person who is in the top three is Crystal Bowersox. My man, Big Mike is going home and he’s going to have to leave right now.

    But they told me
    A man should be faithful
    And walk when not able
    And fight till the end
    But I’m only human

  • Vital Idol: It’s On Like Donkey Kong

    We’re down to the final three and I feel much like I did last year. All three contestants are strong, yet none of them seem like can’t miss prospects. When Fantasia won Season 3, I felt like if she hadn’t been on Idol, but had received some of the same publicity, record companies would be lining up at her door ready to sign her. I think all three of the contestants this year are capable of being decent recording artists, but has anyone seen CD sales recently? Decent just doesn’t cut it. I hope I’m wrong as all three contestants are very likable, but I can’t say that I’m going to be looking out for their album come release date like I was when Kelly Clarkson and Ruben Studdard released albums.

    I wouldn’t go as far as to say American Idol sucks (though my partner in crime would), but let’s just say that this hasn’t been their best year. Declining television ratings say so as well.

    It’s time to get on with the show.

    – Before we go on, was it just me or were Simon, Randall, and Paula pushing heavily for a Big Dave Archuleta and David Cook final? Poor Syesha wasn’t getting any R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me. Sorry, I got a little carried away.

    – The threesome do Ain’t No Stoppin’ Us Now and Big Dave Archuleta wasn’t feeling comfortable on that dance floor. I think he’s going to have nightmares about dancing for about the next fifteen years.

    – Speaking of Fantasia, she’s back and singing live. She has bright red hair, tight pants, is screaming her head off, and is shaking that junk in the trunk while singing Bore Me. Simon looked confused, especially after the ending of the song was an ode to the JB’s and Funky Good Time.

    – Ryno introduces each contestant, shows a 5 minute video package of them going home, and then another 2 minute video package of how they got here. Let’s just say that I’m doing lots of fast forwarding on the DVR.

    – If you’re going to base your vote on the video packages, David Cook wins hands down. His was most compelling, including a story about how he was just supporting his brother at the Idol auditions and he was pressured to try out.

    – Ryno says that Big Dave Archuleta is going to the final next week as is David Cook. That means Big Rube is going to celebrate Syesha home. Ashley Banks did good y’all.

    – I just saw David Cook whisper to Big Dave Archuleta, “It’s on like Donkey Kong.”

    Next week it’s the final that the judges wanted.

    Until next week, I’m out like gout.

  • 50th Grammy’s: No Coffee

    I’ve blogged this show for the past two years and made fun of it’s usual lengthiness, but am going to change my tune. The last few years caused me to drink copious amounts of coffee to get through the shows. I’m only drinking Diet Pepsi Max (and bobbing my head like LL and Busta) and Diet Dr. Pepper Cherry Vanilla style.

    Let’s just get this out of the way. Kanye is going to be the sentimental favorite tonight. With his mom’s recent surprise passing, I can’t imagine him not performing Hey Mama tonight and just making the tears run down everyone’s faces.

    • The show opens with Alicia Keys singing a duet with Frank Sinatra. And dude is in black and white.
    • Alicia’s dress is way too tight and reminds me of the dress that Donna Martin wore to the Spring dance that made her look like a mermaid. Her breasts must be suffocating.
    • Carrie Underwood is a really pretty girl, but isn’t the kind of girl who should ever wear hot pants of any kind. She has a bad case of noassatall.
    • Alicia Keys just won the Best Female R&B Vocal Performance and accepted the award from Prince. Her heels must’ve been higher because dude would’ve had to jump to kiss her.
    • Morris Day and The Time just came out, but only to act as the intro act to Rihanna. Prince was not in sight, but Rihanna still gave him props by wearing her hair the same way as him.
    • Fantasia was in the crowd and she’s rockin’ a blond bald spot.
    • Amy Winehouse won for Best New Artist so they aren’t screwing her just yet for being a nut job.
    • Say what you want about Kanye, but the dude is an entertainer. And he did Hey Mama justice and his mother proud tonight.

     

    • There are some people who actually look great in HD, but poor Fergie Ferg isn’t one of them. She should have it in her contract that they can’t do close-ups on her.
    • First the Oscars did it to Dreamgirls and now the Grammy’s. They gave the Compilation Soundtrack award to Beatles Live. I think I would’ve been ok with Hugh Grant winning for Pop! Goes My Heart, but not to some guys in tight trousers dancing to Beatles songs.
    • Beyonce came out in nothing more than a dress with bikini bottoms and she let the thighs loose. Let’s just say that if Jay-Z ever fell asleep on her lap, he may never wake up.
    • Tina Turner came out and sang with Beyonce and save for one moment where she kicked out her knee and I thought she dislocated her knee cap, that old woman can still get it done.
    • Even though Amy Winehouse won the song writer’s award for Best Song, what is more interesting is that I learned that Jay-Z gets a writing credit for Umbrella, all because he was in a verse at the beginning of the song that no one remembers. Dude didn’t even write, “Ella ella aye aye”.
    • Just as I aimed my buddy Mike that if Nas or Kanye West didn’t win, we riot, Kanye West won for Best Rap Album.
    • The Grammy’s tried to play the wrap-up music on Kanye, but he made it stop. That was classic.
    • I thought the only people who knew who Feist was, were the folks who watched VH-1 early in the morning.
    • Alicia Keys and Johnny Mayer work well together. And thankfully, Mayer cut off the Edward Scissorhands hairdo.
    • In introducing Amy Winehouse (who is live via satellite as she couldn’t get her visa in time), Cuba Gooding said, “Ya know what I’m sayin?” I didn’t know the dude had it in him.
    • Either Winehouse is trying to make us think she’s messed up, or she’s really messed up. Which also begs the question, “How can someone sing so well while messed up?”
    • After winning Record Of The Year for Rehab she shouted out her “Blake incarcerated”. Yep, she said it.
    • Why is will.i.am on my TV singing and rapping a collection of past Grammy’s hits? The crowd didn’t know what to do when he was done.
    • Usher and Kanye West would’ve tied if there was an award for Best Sunglasses.
    • In the biggest upset in the last week, Herbie Hancock beat out both Kanye West and Amy Winehouse for Album Of The Year. It was an Eli Manning-esque comeback. Then, when reaching for his thank you cards, they slipped out and fell, only he didn’t know and kept reaching into his pocket. At least Eli didn’t drop the trophy.

    The rumored Michael Jackson tie-in for the re-release of Thriller never happened. That made me sad. But at least I didn’t have to drink coffee.