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  • Dear Jermaine: STFU, Love Michael.

    I originally posted this on The Round Table.


    So, the blogosphere has been abuzz since Jermaine Jackson announced that his entire family would be embarking on a national tour in 2009. Down Under to announce the launch of a video channel, the Jacksons’ unofficial spokesman said that the whole family “including Michael and Randy and all the brothers” would be reuniting for an album and shows. In addition, Jermaine mentioned that sister Janet would be opening for the brothers.

    For a short time, this announcement put a sparkle in the eyes of Jackson fans everywhere. While it’s obvious that his brothers need Michael more than Michael (or Janet for that matter) needs them, it would be nice to see the whole family on stage again, for what would probably be the last time, after all, oldest brother Jackie is approaching 60. After only performing once as a family unit in the past 24 years, would fans finally get rewarded for their patience?

    Guess not. In a statement issued barely 24 hours after Jermaine’s, The King of Pop firmly stated that there would be NO reunion concert or album, and that he was busy in the studio alone, working on projects that would see the light of day in 2009, effectively dashing the hopes of fans nationwide-although he did say that there was the possibility of him touring as a solo act in 2009, which, let’s face it, most of us would be very happy to settle for.

    Is it yet time to expose Jermaine as the Brother Who Cried Wolf? After all, reunion rumors have popped up with alarming frequency since the early Nineties, and aside from the one-off performance at Michael’s 30th Anniversary concerts in 2001, the brothers have never gotten together for a performance, although they did appear together at the Jackson Family Honors concert in 1994 and again at the group’s Rock & Roll Hall of Fame induction in 2000. Even more implausible is the fact that Janet would open for any of her brothers, including Michael. After all, if you take their individual careers post-“Thriller”, Janet’s actually sold more records in the U.S. than Michael has. You think she’s gonna open for Marlon, Tito and Randy? Hell to the no.

    So I guess this leads to one conclusion and one conclusion only: if Jermaine Jackson opens his mouth, assume that the only thing coming out will be hot air.

    I guess you gotta blame it on the boogie:

  • FORTY-FIVE REVOLUTIONS PER MINUTE #10: Halste Whilste

    VARNALINE  “The Hammer Goes Down” b/w “Hear The Birds Cry”  (Zero Hour Records ZHS7-11 white-label promo, 1996)

    The “Lo-Fi Explosion” that seemed to take over the U.S. after the first few Ween, Pavement and Guided By Voices records was short-lived.  Much to my dismay, actually.  I mean, for all that I may kvetch about the sound-quality of certain discs, or that some recordings leave me with “listener’s fatigue” (fancy studio-lingo for an earache), I found so many diamonds-in-the-rough during that period that I secretly wish it never ended.  Maybe it’s still going on somewhere, wherever there’s disenfranchised suburban kids with guitars and tape-recorders in their bedrooms.  But ultimately, home-studio equipment has become too advanced, and too ubiquitous.  Anyone can make an Aja-quality recording in his or her own kitchen these days with Pro-Tools and a decent computer.  But back in the ’90’s, that stuff wasn’t as readily available.  Talented songwriters like Varnaline’s Anders Parker had to use a 4-track and lots of elbow-grease to get their point across, and that gave the songs an extra power, an almost subterranean quality, that made them stand out from the pack.

    (more…)

  • Return of Super Bitch: Christina Aguilera’s “Keeps Gettin’ Better” Video…

    I like Christina Aguilera. She (and my girl Pink) have proven to be the leaders of the pack when it comes to the 5 million teenage female artists that came out in the mid-late Nineties. She’s got a set of balls on her, this girl. Almost big enough to match her set of pipes.

    But something about Keeps Gettin’ Better, the song and the video, leaves me kind of lukewarm. While the song’s techno-ish soundscape is appealing, it also sounds a hell of a lot like Britney Spears’ Womanizer (yes, I know Christina came out first, but I’m saying). It also kind of sounds like she’s phoning it in, like this is one of her warm-up songs. It doesn’t have the passion (or even the showoffiness) that her best work has.

    I’ll admit the chorus gives me the giggles. The video should have been Christina flying through the sky in a red and blue costume with a cape, as “SuperBitch”. C’mon girl. Let us know you can poke fun at yourself, eh?

    Let us know what you think of the video.