– Ryan Seacrest has been like one of those annoying elevator passengers in the SNL skit – he can barely get through an interview without spouting a few lines of the artists’ signature hit.
– Whoah. Cyndi Lauper’s hair!
– Ryan Seacrest is Flo Rida’s brother! I had no idea…
– Katy Perry… isn’t sheeee pretty in pink. (Seriously, she looked adorable.) She kissed a girl and she’s wearing a Lebanese designer. (Heh heh… he said “Lebanese”). (Paula Abdul was wearing the same designer!)
– Ryan’s Simon Cowell obsession is just gruesome. I really don’t want to know whether he finds Paula more sexually attractive or vice versa. That’s just gross. And duh! Doesn’t Ryan have to, like, work with these people? Am I a prude to think that maybe there are some questions you just don’t ask a co-worker? (Even if – especially if
– Wait wait wait… what’s the news ticker saying about The Gap Band’s Charlie Wilson? (He announced he’s in remission from prostate cancer.)
– Sheryl Crow’s “hiding her Blackberry”.  Holy sh-t, look at those heels!
- Double Holy Sh-t… Chris Brown? Suspected of felony battery? Will he make it to the ceremony to perform? Who’da thunk? He seems like such a nice guy.
Okay folks, I’m out for now… taking a dinner break.  I’ll be back later.
As Paul takes his dinner break, a couple of thoughts from me (Mike)-
-How short is Ryan Seacrest exactly? He comes up to John Mayer’s belly button.
-So Chris Brown is under investigation for assault on a female? What’s next? Is Justin Timberlake going to get arrested for slapping a toddler?
-Ryan Seacrest just called will.i.am a genius. If he’s a genius, then I’m MENSA material.
-If M.I.A. gives birth on stage, who delivers the baby?
-Why is Jenny Hud wearing one of those dentist’s bibs? Is she getting drilled while she’s in the audience?
-How crazy is it that she met her future husband while watching “I Love New York”?
-Boyz II Men came to the Grammys to look for their careers.
-It’s Quincy!! He’s gonna talk for the next 25 minutes.
These are for all the marbles, boys and girls. Grammy’s four major categories are the ones every artist dreams of winning. Even Best New Artist, which portends a solid future as an artist despite the legend of the Best New Artist “curse” (tell that to Christina Aguilera, Mariah Carey, Maroon 5 or John Legend). Here are the nominees in the four “big” categories.
Record of the Year: “Chasing Pavements” (Adele)/”Viva La Vida” (Coldplay)/”Bleeding Love” (Leona Lewis)/”Paper Planes” (M.I.A.)/”Please Read the Letter” (Robert Plant & Allison Krauss)
Will Win: Coldplay
Should Win: M.I.A.
Coldplay is almost certain to pull off an Amy Winehouse-like near-sweep this year, as “Viva La Vida” will win nearly every award it’s nominated for. The elderly voting bloc of Grammy voters could potentially pull out an upset for Plant & Krauss, and Clive Davis could get a win for his latest protege Leona Lewis, but I think this one goes to Chris Martin and co. Hey, did anyone realize this category is all Brits? What does that say about the status of American music? And how cool is it gonna be to see a very pregnant M.I.A. sashay across the stage to perform “Paper Planes”?
Album of the Year: “Viva La Vida or Death & All His Friends” (Coldplay)/”Tha Carter III” (Lil Wayne)/”Year of the Gentleman” (Ne-Yo)/”Raising Sand” (Robert Plant & Allison Krauss)/”In Rainbows” (Radiohead)
Will Win: Plant & Krauss
Should Win: Radiohead
Ne-Yo’s nomination itself was a shocker, so he doesn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of winning. Despite Weezy’s having the biggest-selling album of 2008, Grammy does not acknowledge hardcore rap in its’ main categories (remember “The Marshall Mathers LP” losing to Steely Dan back in ’01?), so that leaves Radiohead (whose win would be the biggest music-industry “fuck you” ever), Coldplay, and Plant & Krauss, who will most likely snatch this award up, given the Grammy folks’ penchant for a) honoring folks at the twilight of their careers and b) honoring legends late in their careers who’ve completely gotten the shaft in their original, legendary incarnations. Keep in mind that Led Zeppelin never won a Grammy. This is payback time for Plant.
Song of the Year: “American Boy” (Estelle feat. Kanye West)/”Chasing Pavements” (Adele)/”I’m Yours” (Jason Mraz)/”Love Song” (Sara Bareilles)/”Viva La Vida” (Coldplay)
Will Win: Coldplay
Should Win: Adele
The Bareilles song is a little too jingle-happy for my taste, so I count it out simply by virtue of me not liking it. The Mraz song is also a bit featherweight, and…why am I explaining all of this? Coldplay wins again, although the awfully pretty “Chasing Pavements” would be a better choice.
Best New Artist: Adele/Duffy/Jonas Brothers/Lady Antebellum/Jazmine Sullivan
Will Win: Jonas Brothers
Should Win: This is not a very strong category.
Um…where’s Leona Lewis? Sara Bareilles? Estelle? OneRepublic? All of these artists were left off in favor of on-their-third-album-so-hardly-new-artists The Jonas Brothers? Gimme a fuckin’ break. If there’s anything that convinces me more that The Grammys are rigged, it’s this category. The JoBros will win simply by virtue of no one having heard of anyone else in the category!
And like Porky the Pig said, that’s all folks! Stay tuned later tonight for SonicClash’s liveblog of the Grammy Awards and you can also see whether my predictions were right! Enjoy the show!!
Welcome to the pop section of the 2009 Grammy Awards, where wily veterans duke it out with hot young guns. It’s the only place you’ll find James Taylor and Ne-Yo in the same category, for what it’s worth. I won’t spend half the article building up to these categories, so here they are…
Best Female Pop Vocal Performance: “Chasing Pavements” (Adele)/”Love Song” (Sara Bareilles)/”Mercy” (Duffy)/”Bleeding Love” (Leona Lewis)/”I Kissed a Girl” (Katy Perry)/”So What” (P!nk)
Will Win: Leona Lewis
Should Win: P!nk
Adele, Duffy and Bareilles are all still sort of bubbling under. A lot of Grammy voters still haven’t heard of these three. “I Kissed a Girl” is viewed by many as a novelty record, which leaves P!nk and Leona Lewis. While P!nk’s snotty reaction to her divorce, in an ideal world, would result in the singer’s third Grammy, I say this one goes to big-voiced junior diva Leona Lewis, in order to make up for not including the huge hit “Bleeding Love” in the Record of the Year category.
Best Male Pop Vocal Performance: “All Summer Long” (Kid Rock)/”Say” (John Mayer)/”That Was Me” (Paul McCartney)/”I’m Yours” (Jason Mraz)/”Closer” (Ne-Yo)/”Witchita Lineman” (James Taylor)
Will Win: Kid Rock
Should Win: John Mayer
John Mayer, who has won twice in this category, is always a threat, as is James Taylor, who has also taken this category a few times. The only two artists that are officially out of contention are McCartney (for a song that was released on a limited-release project) and Ne-Yo (who’s considered too much of an R&B artist to get a pop award). Jason Mraz could sneak this one away, but Kid Rock’s hit was so huge (and a big FU to digital retailers-as the man sold 3 million records without one digital download), you have to honor the guy. Besides, “All Summer Long” is hella catchy.
Best Pop Vocal Performance by a Duo or Group: “Viva La Vida” (Coldplay)/”Waiting in the Weeds” (The Eagles)/”Going On” (Gnarls Barkley)/”Won’t Go Home Without You” (Maroon 5)/”Apologize” (OneRepublic)
Will Win: Coldplay
Should Win: Gnarls Barkley
This is Coldplay’s night. They’ll win this category in a landslide, although I’d love to see Gnarls Barkley get some props for their unfairly overlooked CD “The Odd Couple”. Where are these guys in the Urban/Alternative category?
Best Pop Collaboration with Vocals: “Lesson Learned” (Alicia Keys & John Mayer)/”4 Minutes” (Madonna, Justin Timberlake & Madonna)/”Rich Woman” (Robert Plant & Alison Krauss)/”If I Never See Your Face Again” (Maroon 5 feat. Rihanna)/”No Air” (Jordin Sparks & Chris Brown)
Will Win: “Rich Woman”
Should Win: Pick ’em
Sparks & Brown are out for their teenybopper duet, as are Maroon 5, for stripping Rihanna’s vocals onto an already completed song. Any of the rest of these folks could snare the Grammy. However, the older voting bloc will in all likelihood tip the odds in favor of Plant & Krauss, who won this category last year.
Best Pop Album: “Detours” (Sheryl Crow)/”Rockferry” (Duffy)/”Long Road Out of Eden” (The Eagles)/”Spirit” (Leona Lewis)/”Covers” (James Taylor)
Will Win: The Eagles
Should Win: This is not a good batch.
Sheesh, talk about five lame-ass albums. I don’t even CARE who wins this one. Smart money’s on The Eagles or JT, although I think if Leona wins the Pop Female category, she might have a chance here too.
Best Dance Recording: “Harder Better Faster Stronger” (Daft Punk)/”Ready for the Floor” (Hot Chip)/”Just Dance” (Lady GaGa & Colby O’Donis)/”Give it 2 Me” (Madonna)/”Disturbia” (Rihanna)
Will Win: Rihanna
Should Win: Rihanna
“Just Dance” would have had a shot if it hadn’t taken so long to become a hit. Hot Chip isn’t well-known enough and Daft Punk is nominated for a live version of a VERY old song. Madonna’s “Hard Candy” was a bit underwhelming (and “Give it 2 Me” was one of its’ worst tracks), so hand-deliver this one to Rihanna.
Best Dance/Electronic Album: “New York City” (Brazilian Girls)/”Alive 2007″ (Daft Punk)/”Bring Ya to the Brink” (Cyndi Lauper)/”X” (Kylie Minogue)/”Last Night” (Moby)/”Robyn” (Robyn)
Will Win: Kylie Minogue
Should Win: Robyn
For her first album after emerging triumphant from a battle with breast cancer, Kylie Minogue will take this one home, although the cheeky and talented Robyn deserves this one. So what if her album wasn’t really “dance”?
