I loved the boxing analogies last night, as cheesy as they were, but there was some major influencing going on last night. Even though Simon Cowell said before that he thought David Cook was going to win, it seemed to this viewer that he was doing anything and everything to let the America know who he wanted to win. I’m usually fine with the influential judges. That’s the reason they are there. They don’t have a vote, so they try to influence the voters. But this year it was something else. Simon publicly humiliated Carly Smithson, which seemed to help viewers turn on her. And the triumvirate of Simon, Paula Abdul, and Randy Jackson were very negative on Syesha Mercado last week, even though she was like a breath of fresh air to a really boring show. Does David Cook even stand a chance tonight?
Let’s get this show going.
– For some reason, both David’s are wearing full white.
– A Holly Robinson Peete sighting! She was the reason to watch Hangin’ With Mr. Cooper back in the day. Also, a Lori Loughlin sighting (the former Mrs. Uncle Jesse). She’s starring in the new Beverly Hills, 90210, simply called 90210. Those two join Rene Russo in the Ha Ha, We Never Age Hall Of Fame.
– For some reason Mikayla Gordon and Matt Rogers are on my television. You mean LaToya London was booked?
– The top 12 is back and my youngest shouted out, “Chikezie!” He missed him some Chikezie. Some guy just threw a $20 bill at David Hernandez.
– Syesha Mercado is on the stage with Seal, who is wearing white pants with a white t-shirt. What’s up with the white theme tonight? Syesha is hot by the way, in case you didn’t know.
– Jason Castro is back on my TV. The TV almost tried to change its own channel. He was there to perform Hallelujah, which was his only good performance of the season.
– The six girls are performing Donna Summer’s songs and Amanda Overmyer should’ve just turned her mic off. Not that she has a terrible voice, but this isn’t her genre. Donna herself comes out and she and Syesha perform Last Dance. Why wasn’t Syesha in the finals instead of our two friends, milque and toast?
– Carly Smithson and Michael Johns are on stage duetting. Why wasn’t this a Syesha and Carly final instead of our two friends milque and toast?
– Jimmy Kimmel is back and immediately went with a Sanjaya joke, which was funny, but not as funny as seeing Sanjaya in the crowd so happy that his name was called.
– Paula Abdul’s boobs are out of control tonight. Arsenio is sitting at home thinking, “I hit that 20 years ago.” Things that make you go hmmmmmm.
– The top six are on stage performing and then Bryan Adams’s dad comes out for some reason with a guitar. Wait, that was Bryan Adams.
– If anyone is wondering about the 8 years old and under demographic, both my kids predicted who would win tonight. Well, my older one did at least.
– Brooke White is wearing her hair straight by the way. She’s also shoesless.
– I must be old. Ryno introduced a band and all the young girls screamed, not allowing him to tell us who they were. They came on the stage and before I could say, “Why does Hanson have black hair?” I noticed one guy had a tambourine. I still don’t know who they are.
– Ryno just called them the Jonas Brothers. I actually liked “Hanson With Black Hair”.
– When Ryno said that OneRepublic was on stage, my first thought was, “Ohhh that’s what they look like.” My second thought was, “Where’s Timbo?” My third thought wasn’t, “I think David Archuleta should get on stage with them and sing.”
– Ben Stiller, Jack Black, and Robert Downey Jr. (I wonder if anyone calls him RJ?) are in a lame skit with Gladys Knight (they’re supposed to be the Pips) that would’ve been good if it were 20 seconds. Instead, it was 20 minutes. At least it felt that way.
– Carrie Underwood is singing Last Name. The virginal Tony Romo is sitting on his couch thinking, “If only I would’ve hit that 20 months ago.”
– Uh oh, the top 12 is singing George Michael. You know what that means. Yep, Bryan Adam’s dad is coming out again. Just kidding.
– I was hoping that Hugh Grant was going to come out and together, he and George would sing Pop! Goes My Heart, but it didn’t happen.
– Simon is apologizing to David Cook for being so hard on him last night after watching the show back on television and then tells him that he doesn’t care who wins, and they’re both terrific. Way to save face Cowell, after all the votes are already in. David Cook deserved the apology, but at the end of last night’s show, not tonight’s.
– Um, I take that back. Simon’s assholery didn’t factor in it at all.
– And the winner is ….
That’s all for now. I’ll be back in 10 months. I’m out like gout.