People make mistakes. That’s why pencils have erasers, elderly people have “Depends” and the Mets have a second World Series banner (any chance to bash the Mets and Red Sox in the course of eight words is a chance I’m taking). Sometimes, those mistakes never seem to be fixed. Some mistakes seem to follow people wherever they go (another reason why “Depends” are good). In the case of former Rock n’ Roller and former could have mistaken him for an 8-year old who ate to much sugarer David Lee Roth, a mistake he made a long time ago seems to haunt him till this day.
The Associated Press is reporting that Diamond Dave will be yanked as host of his nationally syndicated radio morning show sometime soon, maybe next week. Dave will be replaced by veterans of free radio, turned satellite, and once again free radio talking heads “Opie and Anthony”. According to the report, an official announcement of his firing will not come till next week. However, it’s safe to say already that with the report of his firing we must ask the question, “How dumb do you have to be to leave Van Halen in the 80’s?”. The answer, David Lee Roth dumb.
As you might know, in 1985 Roth left what was at the time one of the most popular music acts in the world, Van Halen to take a shot at a solo career. Dave had minor success with a few hits on his own, but nothing near what Van Halen had done. The move to go solo and then suck at life has befallen many rockers in the history of music. The move has become so popular in Rock music that it’s now called pulling a “Diamond Dave” (at least that’s what I call it.) Here are some other members of the esteemed club known as “Double D’ers” aka “Diamond Davers”:
–Ricky Martin– This Latin sensation was great as part of the Hispanic teen singing group Menudo. Ricky got a big head and thought it would be cool to try it on his own years later. After leading the “Vida loca” for a while, Ricky can now be found working at a Dunkin’ Donuts in Recida, Idaho leading the “Vida mocha”. (that report is not fully confirmed)
–Pete Best– Ok, Pete Best was replaced by Ringo Star as the Beatles drummer. So, technically in that regard he isn’t a Diamond Daver. However, even if it takes killing the future conductor at the “Shiningtime Station”, you find a way to stay in the Beatles, they are the God danm Beatles. Pete Best, Honorary DD’er.
–Dave Navarro– I’m never the kind of person to kick a man when he’s down, but I gotta mention this guy. Navarro chose drug addiction over Jane’s Addiction in 1991 and actually overcame his addiction to record music with the Red Hot Chili Peppers and once again Jane’s Addiction in the late 90’s. However, letting super hottie Carmen Electra get away earns you a DD’er stamp of approval. Even if it takes sleeping with a woman who’s been with Dennis Rodman, she is way to hot to let go.
–Axl Rose– He was probably the man most responsible for the success of Guns n’ Roses. He was probably also most responsible for the bands untimely break-up. Axl has threatened to release the newest “Guns n’ Roses” (I use quotes as loosely as you call the current band Guns n’ Roses) album for the past God knows how many years now, but the fact still remains that we will never see one of the great rock bands of the late 80’s into the 90’s as we knew them before, because of him. For that reason, the apperance of “Buckethead” and misplaced dreadlocks makes Axl a “Diamond Daver”.
So, Dave must now do as many of his fellow DD’ers have done and try and make something of his life. Radio is now a better place, the world rejoices.