We’re not necessarily down to the nitty gritty just yet, but we’re close. With just six competitors left, we’re halfway home.
You could say that last night’s show was the most competitive one thus far, though I disagreed with a lot of the love the judges were throwing out last night. How about next year, you can’t hide behind the guitar and just play?
George, the big kahuna of this website had a pretty good idea for next year.
He said:
My real hope for this show is that next year, you get to play a guitar ONCE if you make the top 12 and you get to play a piano/keyboard ONCE. That’s twice you get to play an instrument.
I like that idea. This way, Casey James and Lee DeWyze don’t get to be boring behind their guitar and get major love from the judges. It’s a singing competition yes, but if your winner has zero personality and charisma, or in DeWyze’s case, looks like he’s going to pee his pants whenever Ryan talks to him, how can you sell any of his or her records?
Rascal Flatts is on stage performing Unstoppable. Even though I wouldn’t necessarily call myself a fan, I’ve always liked them from afar. They’ve always seemed more pop than actual country to me, but that might be simply because I’m not a big country music connoisseur.
Cameron Diaz and the man who once looked like Antonio Banderas are on stage to promote the newest Shrek film. Diaz is wearing heals, but she’s at least half a head taller than Ryno.
Dim the lights, and here we go…
Ryno tells creepy girl to stand up. She goes to the far left of the stage to be in one of three groups.
Ryno calls up Aaron Kelly next. Kelly forgot the take the hanger out of his jacket before he put it on. He goes to the center of the stage.
Last night, I thought that Big Mike sounded a lot like Shawn Stockman from Boyz II Men. Tonight, he’s wearing a Boyz II Men cardigan sweater. He goes to the far right of the stage. Motown Philly back again…
Ryno asks Lee DeWyze a question and he answers by saying, “I mean…” Um, Lee. You don’t mean anything if you haven’t spoken yet. He joins creepy girl on the left side of the stage.
Casey joins Big Mike on the right and Crystal joins Aaron in the middle.
Ryno tells creepy girl to walk towards Big Mike and Casey and they are the bottom three.
Carrie Underwood is out to introduce Sons Of Sylvia. Can someone just give Carrie a sammich? That girl is going to wither away. The lead singer from SOS looks like Bill Hader from Saturday Night Live, except with a mullet. He’s straight up singing while playing a violin.
Lady Antebellum is out singing Need You Now. I know they’re hot and the song is very nice, but I’m not overwhelmed. I’ll take a mulleted Bill Hader any day of the week and twice on Sundays.
Now, Shakira is on stage playing the harmonica singing Gypsy with Rascal Flatts. Is this American Idol or the American Music Awards? Sorry, I didn’t get that at all. Thankfully, I’m watching this on the DVR. All I saw was Shakira dancing really fast.
Ryno tells Big Mike that he’s safe. It’s between Casey James and creepy girl.
And, the person who goes home tonight is…
I’m sad. How can I keep writing this post for the next month without my creepy girl? The creepy girl has left the building.
I know that I once said that whenever I see Siobhan on screen I feel the need to lock my door, but I have liked a bunch of her performances. I’ll leave you with my favorite.
I have to share with you a very sad experience. Last night, after I came home from work, I turned on my TV and noticed that I had no cable signal. I looked on the DVR for my saved programs and there was something missing. There was no recording of Tuesday’s American Idol broadcast. Thus, it broke my streak of blogging every single show for my personal website since the start of season two. My oldest son was two years old when I started blogging the show. He’s now ten.
What’s Left Of Nick And Me?I felt empty inside. What was I to do? It’s not like I could go to iTunes and download the show to watch. They let you download the performances, but not the entire show. And why does that even make sense? I felt lost. It was like something was taken away from me. I felt like Nick Lachey after he divorced Jessica Simpson. What was really left of me?
And I get home today and predictably, the cable is still out. So I had to sneak into the house of my ex-wife while everyone is sleeping to blog tonight’s show for you. That’s how hardcore I am. Oh yeah, and Charter Communications can go run in front of the BART train that also made me late today.
Tonight is Idol Gives Back which is the charity driven show that they put on every two years. It’s also cut down day to the final seven. Since I didn’t see Tuesday’s show, I really have no idea who did well and who didn’t. But based on the previous weeks, my guess is that not many people did well. In fact, I’d bet that Crystal was the best and everyone else was below her and not close. It’s Crystal and the pretenders.
On with the show…
Ryno immediately throws the show to the Obamas. You know you’re big time when you can just throw it to the President of the United States. Is it just me or do the President and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson have similar cadence when they talk. I’m not saying the Pres stole from The Rock, but I guaran-damn-tee you that he’s seen a Rock promo before and might’ve swagger jacked the Rock a bit.
I’m donating tonight by buying some songs on iTunes.
Ryno throws it to Queen Latifah who is hosting the live performances in Pasadena. First Ryno throws it to the Pres and then he throws it to the Queen. That’s a U-N-I-T-Y.
Hey, they let Andrew and Paige Miles back in the building. Is that Didi Benami? I forget Minnie Mouse’s name.
Jen Garner, aka Mrs. Ben Affleck is the first celeb to show us who we’re giving back to tonight. Obviously, I’m not going to joke about this part of the show because it really is a great idea. But you better believe that when The Black Eyed Peas come on the stage, I’m making Fergie jokes up the wazoo.
Hey, the original creepy AI contestant, Constantine is on screen. Oh, no, that’s Russell Brand. I think we should have a skinny contest between Victoria Beckham, Russell Brand, and Carrie Underwood. Loser has to eat a hamburger.
The Black Eyed Peas are performing on Latifah’s stage. My best friend Fergie Ferg is actually looking halfway decent tonight. Well, halfway decent for someone with a face that resembles a baby pony. You have to give it to her on her body though. Like she once said, she works on her fitness. Too bad we can’t give her any exercises for her face.
Ryno just introduced George Lopez. He’s judging the judges. He calls Randy, Lionel Pitchie. Since he’s the only brother on the show, he’s safe.
He calls Kara, Karla DiGuido. Since she posed naked for a magazine, she’s safe.
It’s Ellen’s turn. She’s the Kourtney Kardashian of the crew. Whatever that means. And she’s safe.
He asks Simon, “Saline or silicone?” Simon’s safe because of the volcanic ash that keeps people from traveling. Ok, that bit didn’t work at all. I love me some George, but he forgot to say, “Sabes que,” at least once. Tonight, he wasn’t a Mexican, he was a Mexican’t.
It’s time to put someone in the bottom three. Ryno asks Crystal and Casey to join him in the center of the stage. Ryno says one of the two of them was in the bottom three. Casey might as well just walk over there now. Yep, he’s in the bottom three.
Aaron and Lee are now in the center. Ed Grimley Jr. sang I Believe I Can Fly last night? Man, I was going to call that one. One of the two are in the bottom three. Lee DeWeed is safe. The youngling is in the bottom three.
Back to the Queen’s side of things, Jeff Beck and Joss Stone are performing I Put A Spell On You. I wonder if Raphael Saadiq is around anywhere. I think Joss Stone is trying to become the American Idol. Someone needs to tell her she’s not being judged and doesn’t have to try to impress Simon so hard.
Hey, David Arquette was in the audience. I might’ve been the only person to recognize him. I guess the former WCW champion isn’t big enough to be part of the show.
Big Morgan Freeman and Randy Jackson spent sometime in Mississippi and they want to save the children.
Junk In The TrunkIt’s Alicia Keys time. I don’t care what anyone says. Alicia is fine. She does get minus points for breaking up Swizz Beatz’s marriage though. Hey, I guess no one’s perfect. We’ll see a terrible case of noassatall soon with Carrie Underwood, but Alicia absolutely doesn’t have that problem. Even though they’re in LA, she decides to perform her version of Empire State Of Mind.
Hey, Carrie came on stage earlier than I thought. Luckily for us, she’s wearing a dress that isn’t hugging her hips and backside. If Alicia Keys has junk in the trunk, Carrie’s trunk is empty. Can’t even fit a cooler back there. Carrie’s singing Change. I think I’ll buy this performance as part of my donation tonight.
Oh, that’s why David Arquette was in the front row. He and Ellen were shown at a food bank. I’ve worked in a kitchen in which we helped to feed people in San Francisco before. I can vouch that it’s a great way to give back. I’m just bummed that David Arquette isn’t wearing his WCW championship belt while helping put the food together.
I love me some Elliott Yamin. He’s my favorite Idol contestant ever. But why does he wear the Rocky IV beard from when Rocky ran the mountains in Russia? It’s not a good look man.
Back to the results, Ryno asks creepy girl, Big Mike, and Big Time Timmy Jim to join him in the middle of the stage. Creepy girl gets to go back and sit down. Big Mike is also safe and Teflon Timothy is back in the bottom three.
The stories that really get to me are the ones where the poor kids are born with HIV and get full blow AIDS as children. Annie Lennox was supposed to perform live, but because of the volcano, she’s not there live. Instead, she performed via video with a shirt that said, “HIV POSITIVE”.
Mary J. Blige, Orianthi, Randy Jackson, and some other folks whose names I didn’t catch are performing Stairway To Heaven. I think I’ll buy this one too. I also see Travis Barker playing the drums. No one told him about the dress code. I’ve dressed nicer while taking out the garbage in the morning.
Elton John is performing and unfortunately for probably only just me, he’s not singing Measure Of A Man. That’s my favorite Elton song. I may know only one other person who also counts that as his favorite Elton song.
You’re out of time, your out of place, look at your face, it’s the measure of a man!
It’s time to eliminate a sad young man. Ryno first sends Ed Grimley Jr. back to safety so it’s Casey and Timothy who are left.
And it’s young Timothy who leaves us. Well, it’s only about 14 weeks too late.
I’m going to buy some songs on iTunes for Idol Gives Back. But, Timothy’s going to have to leave right now.
Photo of Alicia Keys shared through Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic
Photo of Nick Lachey shared through Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic
This is the first week in the newest season in which I have no real idea who is going home. No one had a performance which just caused you to hold your nose so as not to smell the stench coming out of the television.
Our brown-haired punching bag, Teflon Timothy didn’t even have his usual stink-a-roo performance, which could work against him. Why? Well, in the previous weeks, his fans were trying to save him out of desperation and fear. This week, they’re probably not as desperate.
With a water gun to my head, I think my Mexican brother Andrew Garcia is the one who probably takes the hit. He’s nowhere near the worst singer left, but then again, neither was Paige Miles. Santa’s little helper, Aaron Kelly is now grating my nerves, but I don’t think people are ready to see him go. I think Teflon Timothy does survive one more week, but it will be much harder next week.
Onto the elimination …
Ryno makes creepy girl stand-up first. He pulls her toward the center of the stage.
Crystal Bowersox is next to have her emotions played with. She joins creepy girl at the center of the stage.
Young Katie Stevens joins them. They are the girl power group of three.
Crystal is safe. And so are Katie and creepy girl. Well, that was a waste.
But it does mean that it’s an all-dude bottom three. That sounded kind of lewd.
Jason Derulo is performing. I really like his energy and think he’s more than just a one hit wonder. He was also signed by my wife, Miss Kara DioGuardi. And if I wasn’t so lazy, I’d put the umlaut over the “u” in his name. But I don’t want to do the google search to figure out the HTML. I want to watch dude perform.
I enjoy Whatcha Say more as a song, but he performers In My Head instead. He may eventually need to lose that Freddie Jackson mustache. If I told you that he outperformed Usher (who was on this show last week), would you believe me? Well, he did.
David ArchuletaLast night, I was wondering who was going to try to pull off Imagine and no one did. Instead, we get David Archuleta, who performed this song during his season, to give it to us. You mean Blake Lewis was busy?
It was probably his money performance of his season, though I’d say guest starring on iCarly was a bigger thrill for me personally. Ok, I think I just might’ve given you more information about myself than necessary.
David Archuleta and Aaron Kelly could both be in the new Harry Potter movie and I’m not sure anyone would recognize them. Accio!
It’s Lee’s turn to stand-up. Ryno’s going to split the rest of the guys into two groups. One group will be the safe group. One group will be the all-male bottom three. There I go again.
Lee goes to one side and Big Mike starts another group. Casey joins Lee and Aaron joins Big Mike. Tim joins Lee and Casey. I can tell you right now that Aaron, Big Mike, and Andrew are the bottom three.
I could make a slightly political/racial statement about the two minorities being in the bottom three, but let’s face it, we know who watches this show.
Aaron Kelly is safe, predictably. I’ll save the speech and just say, demographics, demographics, demographics.
If Big Mike is the the guy to go home, I think the judges save him. If Andrew goes home, I don’t think they save him.
Rihanna performs Rock Star 101. Jeez, she’s going through singles like morning donuts at an Internet company. I think she’s singing live, but it’s not like the song is all that hard to sing. She’s wearing this tight patent leather suit that only she and Lady Gaga can pull off these days. But it’s hiding her trunk a bit and that makes me sad.
Andrew Garcia is safe and Big Mike goes home. Wow! First shocker of the season. Let’s hope he gets saved.
He’s singing Woman’s Work while his wife is crying. That was heartbreaking.
Here’s video of the first time he performed the song:
They used the save! Big Mike is back next week and if it’s anything like last year, there will be two eliminations last week.
