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Tag: American Idol Season 7

  • Vital Idol: It’s On Like Donkey Kong

    We’re down to the final three and I feel much like I did last year. All three contestants are strong, yet none of them seem like can’t miss prospects. When Fantasia won Season 3, I felt like if she hadn’t been on Idol, but had received some of the same publicity, record companies would be lining up at her door ready to sign her. I think all three of the contestants this year are capable of being decent recording artists, but has anyone seen CD sales recently? Decent just doesn’t cut it. I hope I’m wrong as all three contestants are very likable, but I can’t say that I’m going to be looking out for their album come release date like I was when Kelly Clarkson and Ruben Studdard released albums.

    I wouldn’t go as far as to say American Idol sucks (though my partner in crime would), but let’s just say that this hasn’t been their best year. Declining television ratings say so as well.

    It’s time to get on with the show.

    – Before we go on, was it just me or were Simon, Randall, and Paula pushing heavily for a Big Dave Archuleta and David Cook final? Poor Syesha wasn’t getting any R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me. Sorry, I got a little carried away.

    – The threesome do Ain’t No Stoppin’ Us Now and Big Dave Archuleta wasn’t feeling comfortable on that dance floor. I think he’s going to have nightmares about dancing for about the next fifteen years.

    – Speaking of Fantasia, she’s back and singing live. She has bright red hair, tight pants, is screaming her head off, and is shaking that junk in the trunk while singing Bore Me. Simon looked confused, especially after the ending of the song was an ode to the JB’s and Funky Good Time.

    – Ryno introduces each contestant, shows a 5 minute video package of them going home, and then another 2 minute video package of how they got here. Let’s just say that I’m doing lots of fast forwarding on the DVR.

    – If you’re going to base your vote on the video packages, David Cook wins hands down. His was most compelling, including a story about how he was just supporting his brother at the Idol auditions and he was pressured to try out.

    – Ryno says that Big Dave Archuleta is going to the final next week as is David Cook. That means Big Rube is going to celebrate Syesha home. Ashley Banks did good y’all.

    – I just saw David Cook whisper to Big Dave Archuleta, “It’s on like Donkey Kong.”

    Next week it’s the final that the judges wanted.

    Until next week, I’m out like gout.

  • "Idol" Sucks

    No other way to put it.

    Granted, this is only my third season of even watching one episode, but damn if this isn’t the sorriest crop of contestants I’ve ever seen in my life! Was I spoiled by Season 5? ‘Cause damn, I’d take McPhee, Bennett, Daughtry, Yamin and Taylor over any of this year’s final three.

    David Cook is bland beyond milquetoast, David Archuleta is a pretty-singing cipher, and Syesha is in a bit over her head.

    Moreso than the blandness of the finalists, though, this season’s episodes have had the slightly sour air of a fix. The product placement is amazingly obvious, and this episode seemed as much of an advertisement for Switchfoot and Diane Warren as it was anything else. (Is it me, or does it seem amazingly obvious that Cook has won this competition?-or at least that the judges are pulling ridiculously strongly for him?). This just feels a little preordained for me, and it makes me feel more than a little uncomfortable. Not like I should care at all, but still…

  • Vital Idol: Andrew Lloyd Webber Celebrates Me Home

    Last night, Mike, our own writer and editor of this great site said that Andrew Lloyd Webber looked like he could be Austin Powers’ dad. Once he said that, I knew that it was going to be a fun night. Maybe not necessarily for the music because half of the Idol contestants butchered the songs, but more so for the awkwardness of the show and how uncomfortable everyone seemed. Andrew Lloyd Webber? Really? You want Jason Castro to sing this stuff? Only Syesha Mercado truly seemed comfortable and in her element, though David Cook did a good job too.

    Brooke White stopped and restarted the song because she forgot the lyrics. That’s how bad last night was. It would seem that it’s her turn to go home, but I know better than to think it’s a done deal.

    The group opens up with a little ditty from Andy Lloyd Webber called All I Ask Of You. Do you think anyone has ever called him Andy in his entire life?

    Ryno then interviews Lloyd Webber who says that Brooke is very talented and was flawless in rehearsal. I make all my jump shots in practice too. He also says that Jason Castro didn’t listen to him at all. I’m not sure Jason Castro’s attention span allows him to listen to anyone.

    President Bush and his wife (the Bushes?) talked about Idol Gives Back and George thanked America for their compassion. He looked like he was reading from queue cards. But he didn’t look great like this man reading from queue cards.

    Let’s get to the elimination.

    – Ryno brings out both Davids and tells them they are both safe. This means that out of the remaining four, (Carly, Jason, Brooke, and Syesha) three of them are not.

    – There has been a Clay Aiken sighting. I repeat. A Clay Aiken sighting. He kind of looks like the love child of Mrs. Garrett from Diff’rent Strokes and Edward Scissorhands.

    – Leona Lewis is singing Bleeding Love and my girl Jessica just said, “Is her shirt all bloody from her bleeding heart?”

    – She’s been compared to Mariah Carey and I think she copied Mariah’s dance moves as well. She’s doing pretty good impersonating the mic stand. That’s the same dance that Mariah did last week.

    – Syesha and Brooke White are up next. Brooke is safe which means that Syesha, Jason, and Carly are in the bottom three. Syesha’s afro just puffed out three inches further after Ryno read the card. Actually, they aren’t doing a final three, just a final two.

    – Ryno brings out Carly and Jason Castro’s Dread Locks and Jason is safe. America is wacky tonight.

    – Both girls who aren’t safe have to sing again, and after watching each performance, if Syesha goes home, you’ve got your first American Idol travesty of the year.

    – Tonight, Big Rube Studdard is going to celebrate Carly Smithson home.

    – Was it the tattoos? Was it her off one week on one week performances? Was it the fact that she talked about her problems with diarrhea on the air? Her lack of consistency as well as her lack of consistency? I think it’s probably a little bit of all of those, but the fact is, Jason Castro and Brooke White are just more likable to the majority of that fan base.

    – Seacrest out! Wait, did he say Neil Diamond is on next week? Um, can we have Andrew Lloyd Webber again?