This is the first week in the newest season in which I have no real idea who is going home. No one had a performance which just caused you to hold your nose so as not to smell the stench coming out of the television.
Our brown-haired punching bag, Teflon Timothy didn’t even have his usual stink-a-roo performance, which could work against him. Why? Well, in the previous weeks, his fans were trying to save him out of desperation and fear. This week, they’re probably not as desperate.
With a water gun to my head, I think my Mexican brother Andrew Garcia is the one who probably takes the hit. He’s nowhere near the worst singer left, but then again, neither was Paige Miles. Santa’s little helper, Aaron Kelly is now grating my nerves, but I don’t think people are ready to see him go. I think Teflon Timothy does survive one more week, but it will be much harder next week.
Onto the elimination …
Ryno makes creepy girl stand-up first. He pulls her toward the center of the stage.
Crystal Bowersox is next to have her emotions played with. She joins creepy girl at the center of the stage.
Young Katie Stevens joins them. They are the girl power group of three.
Crystal is safe. And so are Katie and creepy girl. Well, that was a waste.
But it does mean that it’s an all-dude bottom three. That sounded kind of lewd.
Jason Derulo is performing. I really like his energy and think he’s more than just a one hit wonder. He was also signed by my wife, Miss Kara DioGuardi. And if I wasn’t so lazy, I’d put the umlaut over the “u” in his name. But I don’t want to do the google search to figure out the HTML. I want to watch dude perform.
I enjoy Whatcha Say more as a song, but he performers In My Head instead. He may eventually need to lose that Freddie Jackson mustache. If I told you that he outperformed Usher (who was on this show last week), would you believe me? Well, he did.
It was probably his money performance of his season, though I’d say guest starring on iCarly was a bigger thrill for me personally. Ok, I think I just might’ve given you more information about myself than necessary.
David Archuleta and Aaron Kelly could both be in the new Harry Potter movie and I’m not sure anyone would recognize them. Accio!
It’s Lee’s turn to stand-up. Ryno’s going to split the rest of the guys into two groups. One group will be the safe group. One group will be the all-male bottom three. There I go again.
Lee goes to one side and Big Mike starts another group. Casey joins Lee and Aaron joins Big Mike. Tim joins Lee and Casey. I can tell you right now that Aaron, Big Mike, and Andrew are the bottom three.
I could make a slightly political/racial statement about the two minorities being in the bottom three, but let’s face it, we know who watches this show.
Aaron Kelly is safe, predictably. I’ll save the speech and just say, demographics, demographics, demographics.
If Big Mike is the the guy to go home, I think the judges save him. If Andrew goes home, I don’t think they save him.
Rihanna performs Rock Star 101. Jeez, she’s going through singles like morning donuts at an Internet company. I think she’s singing live, but it’s not like the song is all that hard to sing. She’s wearing this tight patent leather suit that only she and Lady Gaga can pull off these days. But it’s hiding her trunk a bit and that makes me sad.
Andrew Garcia is safe and Big Mike goes home. Wow! First shocker of the season. Let’s hope he gets saved.
He’s singing Woman’s Work while his wife is crying. That was heartbreaking.
Here’s video of the first time he performed the song:
They used the save! Big Mike is back next week and if it’s anything like last year, there will be two eliminations last week.
Seacrest out!
