OK, so we’re only an hour-20 songs (ed. note, actually, 40 songs…I wrote this Tuesday morning)-into VH-1’s list of the Top 100 rap songs of all time. While I’m absolutely grateful that VH-1 takes the time every year, via its’ Hip-Hop Honors special, to honor the pioneers of hip-hop in a way that the networks you’d EXPECT to be honoring them don’t (hello, BET), I must admit that, as a true school hip-hop fan, some of their choices are severe head-scratchers. I mean, who told VH-1 to honor Missy Elliott before Queen Latifah or Dr. Dre? Hell, Missy’s less qualified to be enshrined in any sort of Hip-Hop Hall of Fame than any of this year’s 5 honorees, who range from “it’s about time” (Slick Rick, De La Soul, Too $hort) to borderline acts like Cypress Hill and Naughty by Nature. Not that I don’t dig either group, but Cypress followed up one absolutely sensational debut with a sea of mediocre albums, while Naughty released a string of excellent singles but never put it together for one truly great album.
Now I’ll admit. I’m a friggin’ sucker for countdowns, and VH-1’s pop culture specials are usually on point. I’ve often fantasized about being a panelist on one of those “I Love the…” specials. Hell, you could give me a lobotomy and I’d be funnier than Mo Rocca. That said, this list of the greatest hip-hop songs leaves me a little cold (so far) for a couple of reasons.
Because of my age and where I grew up, I’m always going to give the stank eye to anyone who claims to be a hip-hop authority. That said, VH-1 has already erred big time with a couple of their choices. I absolutely adore PM Dawn’s “Set Adrift on Memory Bliss”, but is that really a hip-hop record? (I do, however, think they missed a golden opportunity by not having KRS-ONE comment on the record). While “Memory Bliss”‘s inclusion is certainly debatable, I don’t think there’s one single person who would agree with the inclusion of L’Trimm’s “Cars That Go Boom”. Miami bass? Certainly. Freestyle? Okay. Hip-hop?? That’s stretchin’ it, folks. Granted, there’s probably a noticeable lack of female emcees on this countdown, which could explain why they shoehorned L’ Trimm in, but any real hip-hop fan who watched that segment had to have at least a little of the taste of disgust swirling around in his or her mouth.
It also seems like some artists were included just for the sake of a broad representation and so certain artists didn’t take up too many spots on the countdown. I don’t know that Eve even makes a list of Top 100 female rappers, so to have one of her songs (and “Who’s That Girl” of all of them) on the countdown is a bit surprising. And where they got some of the artist choices right (nice to see Jungle Brothers on this countdown, although the thought of Baby Bam in glam-rock makeup will haunt me for the next several weeks), their song choices (“What U Waitin’ For?” instead of “I’ll House You”? Really?…) leave much to be desired. Although I think they substituted because “I’ll House You” doesn’t have a video.
Of course, you know the whole opinions are like assholes… theory, and I suppose I should be grateful that the network once considered MTV’s stale cousin is the only TV station doing right by hip-hop these days. However, I still would love to see who the panel is that voted for this countdown, so I can smack the person who said it would be a good idea for “Cars That Go Boom” to be on this list…